The wife and I were True Blood fans from the start. We've always enjoyed the witty dialogue and the goofiness the show brought. Plus, as opposed to that teen abstinence/melodrama crap that Twilight and others peddle, True Blood is great because it gives you laughs, some "damn, where'd that come from" violence and then some "damn, where'd that come from" sex that is almost comical on how close to porn it wants to be. I think it took all of four episodes of the first season for us to start declaring it not True Blood, but Vampire Porn. We jest.
But with the combination of the MaryAnn weirdo orgy story last season, Tara putting up Wet Rag Hall of Fame numbers and this season being rather bland on action, the wife is getting antsy. We both think Eric and Jessica are the best things going on that show, but when it turned out Sookie was a fairy, it went from bad to worse. She's starting to believe the first two seasons of goodness may be the best we'll see. And the way this season ended was less than stellar for her, and as the credits rolled, she let loose a doozy.
"I don't want another fucking season of fucking fairies drinking fucking fairy water from the fucking fairy cup of the fucking fairy pond in fucking fairyland."
Well there you you have it, True Blood. I think you have been put on notice. Better get your ass in gear next season. Just sayin'.
Here is my column from last week. Thanks to the Casper Star-Tribune for being a regular publisher of the column. I reviewed Metroid: Other M and Ys Seven.
Yeah, I watched me some 90210 when I was young. That's right, I did. There wasn't 8 million channels on TV. There was no Sopranos or The Wire or True Blood or any of the other kick-ass shows that exist today. You had a limited number of viewing choices back then, and everything was shown in black&white. Or something like that.
Anyway, I normally miss out on these weird mayan calendar-type days, where the dates all match up into some weirdo form of significance. For someone who was just a half-day away from having a 7-7-77 birthday (which still pisses me off to this day), you'd think I'd be more attuned to this stuff. But for all the ones I missed, I actually knew this one was coming up. I guess my mind is just in a weird space these last few months.
I bailed on 90210 once Kelly Kapowski showed up. Sorry, Tiffani, but you playing the role of a hard-edged bar manager who's a total bitch did not gel with my thoughts of you being the cutesy, ditzy girlfriend in the Zack-AC Slate love triangle. But by the time she arrived, I think I had seen enough. One of my first TV crushes, Andrea Zuckerman (hey, what can I say, I had a thing for journalists), got pregnant and married that weird law school guy. Oh, and she was apparently 53 years on while on that show. Plus, the only people who hadn't hooked up by that point were Brandon and Brenda, and if Shannon Dougherty hadn't left the show I bet they would have gone there. The wife still ranks Brenda as one of her favorite TV characters of all time, because she was one of the first real bitches of primetime TV.
In all honesty, I'll close by saying that if you want the highest of high comedy, just watch some episodes on SoapNet and check out the clothes. After awhile, you'll be blinded by your tears of laughter. There were so many plotlines that make me laugh to this day that I can't bother recounting them all, and I am sure that I've forgotten some good ones. But here are some of my personal favs:
Emily Valentine By far and away my favorite. In the span of a few episodes (maybe 45 minutes of actual on-air screen time), Emily meets Brandon, flirts, gets rejected, drugs him, dates him, sings a really bad song, gets dumped by him, stalks him and then attempts to burn the entire group's float in his driveway. Fucking. Classic.
Brandon's Gambling Problem I was gambling on sports before Brandon decided to delve into that world, but his exploits were pretty damn funny, and one episode even featured Pete Rose for christ's sake. Good stuff. Plus, the fact that he runs bets through his college professor is classy.
David's Music Career This travesty spanned several seasons. Poor geeky David thought he had it all figured out in the music world, and it was utterly painful. When the wife and I DVR'd a ton of 90210 episodes on SoapNet because I knew the Emily Valentine arc was coming around, we ended up breezing through a ton of other episodes and holy shit was his music awful. I'm glad I noticed it early on before I started wearing matching satin dance outfits like two guys I went to grade school once did at a mixer. Those dudes were lame. Prepare for your ears to bleed.
Donna Martin Graduates Everyone knows this one. It wasn't exactly my favorite, but when I saw the replay of it I could help but laugh. Just the idea that all those students were facing suspension over one student was comical. That Donna got Don Draper-level hammered off of what seemed to be a whiff of alcohol was even more precious.
Some other notables: -- Brenda becomes an animal-rights terrorist over medical testing -- Brandon solving the hostage situation at the TV station -- Anything involving 70-year-old Ian Ziering acting like a teenager -- Dylan's gun problems -- Kelly getting raped/brainwashed/lesbianed/saved all in about 3 episodes -- Barry Bonds' appearance and talking about not doing PEDs -- Steve getting falsely accused of rape, then dating the girl the accuser for about 5 episodes -- And to further hammer it home, anything involving David's music career
The wife and I were True Blood fans from the start. We've always enjoyed the witty dialogue and the goofiness the show brought. Plus, as opposed to that teen abstinence/melodrama crap that Twilight and others peddle, True Blood is great because it gives you laughs, some "damn, where'd that come from" violence and then some "damn, where'd that come from" sex that is almost comical on how close to porn it wants to be. I think it took all of four episodes of the first season for us to start declaring it not True Blood, but Vampire Porn. We jest.
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