Man Card Member, No. 404431

The wife and I went apeshit over the Thanksgiving because of the leaves that fell into our yard. During the summer, our trees are a glorious thing. They keep the yard and deck 15 degrees cooler and make gatherings a lot better during those paltry DC summers. But damn, when the fall weather arrives, the trees attack our yard like Kilgore.

You look at the yard and the leaves and you think it doesn't seem that bad, just a few hours of labor and all will be well. It's when it's been four hours and you've only cleared the front yard and the driveway that you realize that is why all your neighbors are hiring migrant workers to do this shit instead. But I will not be defeated. A little back ache and sore legs and hands won't deter me from being a good homeowner.

Plus, when you look out over our back yard, it looks like we've buried about 19 zombies in the ground, with one of our dogs providing security.

Game On: Week of November 25

My recent column reviewing Assassin's Creed: Revelations and The Lord of the Rings: War in the North. Thanks to the Honolulu Star Advertiser for publishing, which I have not seen them pub my column in a while, so it's nice to have them back in the fold.

Friday Funnies

Because it's Thanksgiving, we have to celebrate the holiday the proper way: with a clip from my wife and I's favorite show that is just for us, Mad About You. The show is dated, goofy, couple-y and all that gushy stuff, but we love it and the wife watches it on DVD anytime there is nothing but crap on and she never fails to still laugh at them.

The Thanksgiving episode Giblets for Murray is one of the show's best and it's from early in the show's run. Chucking turkeys out a window, dangling them from a string, and the revolving door of store-bought turkeys makes for great fun.

My Design

My friend Molly and I had a different beginning to our friendship than anyone I've ever known. We met in Richmond, VA for a two-week copy editing seminar that was part of my summer internship back during my junior year of college. Molly lived in St. Petersburg, FL, and knew that someone (out of the 16 of us) in the seminar was going to St. Pete for their internship. When she learned it was me, she glommed onto me in hopes that I would drive her back to Florida when I left. Concerned that her intentions were just about getting a free ride home and possibly killing me and leaving me for dead on a roadside in Georgia or some shit, it was a weird start to a friendship that has happily been going on for almost 13 years.

When she came to DC in October for some work training, we got to have dinner and catch up after not seeing each other in several years. During all the chatter I asked her what date her wedding was because I couldn't remember her telling me previously. "Funny you should ask," she said. "We just decided last week to not wait and it's going to be in about 7 weeks." That was OK by me, until she started mildly panicking because with the nuptials about two months away, very little had been done to plan the grand affair.

Being the (foolish) nice guy that I am, I offered to help with with the wedding invitations since I could tell she hadn't given it any thought and she was going to end up paying out the wazzoo because of the tight deadlines she was under. We talked briefly and then over the course of about a week got design comps for her to choose among and started printing. It was pretty crazy to work with her in such a short time frame, but I have to give her and John (the lucky guy) kudos for focusing in and knowing exactly what they wanted and how they wanted things to look, which made the process move smoothly. They wanted to emphasize Florida, orange groves and didn't want straight photos. They wanted the artwork to be more of a painted look, so that was a nice challenge to find the proper photography that leant itself to some creative photoshopping.


In the end I was really pleased with how everything turned out considering how we had to get it all done and printed and mailed in 11 days. And considering how we hadn't spent a lot of time talking to each other over the years and had a lot of catching up to do, it was very brave of Molly and John to put their trust in me to do right by them, and I don't underestimate that at all. So I thank them for believing in me and after the compliments I got from her family and friends at the wedding, I couldn't be happier with the end products. Congrats, Molly and John.

Game On: Week of Nov. 18

My recent column, reviewing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Thanks to Seattle Times for publishing.

Idiot of the Day

I was in Florida this past weekend for a great friend's wedding, but of course during my travels I encountered a few idiots, as they do have a tendency to produce many of them in the sunshine state.

This one I saw on a highway billboard. Vasectomies are no laughing matter, but I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw this dude's ad. No scalpel and no needles involved? Fantastic, except I can't help but think it means what he's not telling you is that his 17,000 vasectomies involve three guys holding you down while he just repeatedly kicks you in the crotch.

If you want more hilarity, you should check out the stunning website design he employs on his site. Compelling, and rich. Oh, and nice high school mugshot for the billboard.

Friday Funnies

I have a whole list of nominees for this week's Friday Funnies, and believe me I'll get to them all, but I will also most likely throw a bunch of them into Idiot of the Day posts, because they could easily overlap. This one is good not just for the sheer funniness of the missed goal (bad enough as it is) but to listen to two Canadian-sounding guys mock him for it.

Game On: Week of Nov. 11

My recent column reviewing Batman: Arkham City and Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception. Thanks to the Seattle Times for publishing.

Friday Funnies

It's 11.11.11, so of course we must pay tribute to the man who brought us the true meaning of the number 11, Nigel Tufnel. Sadly the fools on the inter webs have all disabled the embedding on the videos so you'll have to follow this link to watch, but trust me it's worth it. Sustain.

Update: Thankfully someone was a cool dude. Embedding available.

What I've Read: Last Call

It tooks weeks longer than I had hoped, but I finally conquered this mammoth, deep dive into the rise and fall of Prohibition. Being an avid drinker, this book is right up my alley and the 14 years of Prohibition (and the years before and after it) are filled with more interesting stories than I had thought, and almost none of it had to do with gangsters.

I admit that my interest in this book was mainly because I thought it would be about Capone, bootlegging, moonshining and all sorts of fun, nefariousness. But instead, this book surprised me by being filled with names, dates, legislation and lots more names, dates and legislation.

The thrust of Last Call is more about the political, business, religious and social aspects of Prohibition. It's about the sexism and racism (there was A LOT of both, believe me, and it was overt and unapologetic) that were used to make particular arguments and sell a nation on outlawing drinking. It's about the political machinery that was sweeping that took a Democratic idea like national Prohibition and in many ways forever shaped the Republican and Democratic parties when their values and political positions were almost contrary to what they are now. It's about the Canadian and foreign businessmen (and those few surviving megabrewers like Miller, Busch and Pabst) that made a fortune off illegal liquor and beer.

There is a lot to digest in Last Call. It's crazy that less than 100 years ago this nation, in an overwhelming way, voted to tell people what they couldn't do in their own homes, and then watched as everyone – rich, poor, black, white, whatever – flouted those laws in every conceivable way. It's perhaps the greatest failure in American legislative history. Anyone with a passing interest in drinking should read this just to see where we've come as a nation of alcohol consumers. Just know this: For all the hubbub about drinking today, we don't even come close to consuming as much alcohol as we did before Prohibition. Back before 1920, Americans were (on average) drinking 2.6 gallons of alcohol per person. That equates to roughly 520 bottles of beer per year, per person. Damn. The current statistics are about 2.2 gallons per year, so there's some progress. Check out this book, you'll be surprised how much you learn, even if it takes you seemingly eight months to read it.

Game On: Week of Nov. 4

My recent column, reviewing Battlefield 3 and Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One. Thanks to the Seattle Times and the Nashua Telegraph for publishing.

Friday Funnies

Eddie Murphy has been getting a lot of press this week, for what reason I have no idea. I guess there is a movie (that probably looks like crap) or an interview where he says something questionably stupid. Shame, because the Eddie Murphy of my childhood was a comedic genius, even when it wasn't intended.

Case in point: the Party All the Time video. He really wants you to think he's as smooth as silk in this video, and if it weren't for the internet and the ability to savor this stuff 20+ years later, we can look back and witness the pure insanity of this video.

For one, Eddie can't sing. I'm not claiming to be Frank Sinatra, but I'm pretty sure I could make that exact same song, and I'm not famous. So he's got a slightly higher bar to achieve, I'd like to think. Then there's Rick James. He does many great things here from introducing Eddie to some new friends to making sure the sound is mixed just right (the 0:53 mark). Two things really stand out here: 1) His belief that this song is going to get him a lifetime supply of 8-balls (1:06 and really at 1:36 and 2:48) and 2) that he is actually contributing to the song by picking up that guitar at the end when even a housecat can tell the music hasn't changed a lick.

I've suddenly become addicted to this video, and I've watched it too many times recently because the scene is too damn funny. There's a Whitesnake reject rocking out with his chest out and a guy who's wearing Eddie's "Raw" leather outfit (both killin it at 2:12). And no video is truly complete without some guys getting a little too excited about the chorus, including one of them taking it to 11 on the excitement scale where he can't help but start fondling himself. Pretty sure Rick James paid for his coke that night.

Game On: Week of Oct. 28

My recent column reviewing Dark Souls and Dead Rising 2: Off the Record. Thanks to the Seattle Times for publishing.