What I've Watched: Paranoid Park

I really dig skateboarding. It's damn cool, in fact. I tried getting good at it when I was a teenager, but I'll be honest in saying that I didn't give it 100%. Hell, I probably gave it about 20%, and that won't get you anywhere but basic olleys and injuries. I wish I would have done it, though, because I do think (perhaps blindly) that I would have been good at it. I was quite a good soccer player, and those who are good on their feet usually have no problem making it on a board.

Alas, it was not meant to be, so instead I live vicariously through my buddies Kelly and Eric. You'll probably see them in my NY Skate Park gallery, where we were under the Brooklyn Bridge and people were killing on the ramps. I'll be posting that one in the coming weeks, so be on the lookout.

Anyway, this all gets us to today's review of Paranoid Park, an off-kilter murder mystery from Gus Van Sant. Yeah, after he got super, duper famous from Good Will Hunting, he decided to go off a do a bunch of low-budg indie films with casts of unknowns. He did one about in a Columbine-inspired tale, and Paranoid Park is primarily about a skater who accidentally kills a security guard and is dealing with the aftermath and whether he's gonna get caught or not.

It's the silence that makes this movie strong. The main character, Alex, is soft-spoken and you're left wondering whether it's that he's a typical teenager or if it's because he's freaking out over the death he just caused. But his eyes tell a lot, and for an unknown actor he delivers strong. The others in the cast are not bad, either, from the bitchy, preening ex-girlfriend to even the local skaters who kick it down at the skatepark. The music's dissonance and the switchback plot cuts sometimes confuse the issue and don't do as good a job as other movies who execute this technique. But it's still a solid film, and its brief running time make it a worthy watch if you're looking for something interesting and untypical from mainstream film.

Only One Macchio

1984. Not the 1984 or George Orwell. No, this was the 1984 of this movies for me. There were several movies that year I remember distinctly remember seeing. Don't know why it was that year, but for some reason the age of 7 was when I started committed movies to memory, and it was the year that sowed the seeds for my pal Kelly forever bashing me for knowing too many lines from too many movies.

Splash, Amadeus, Ghostbusters, Revenge of the Nerds, Footloose, Romancing the Stone, Police Academy, Sixteen Candles, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Breakin, Firestarter, The Natural, Gremlins, Top Secret!, Cannonball Run II, Gods Must be Crazy, Muppets Take Manhattan, The Last Starfighter, Purple Rain, Cloak & Dagger, Red Dawn, Body Double, Terminator, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Oh God You Devil, Beverly Hills Cop, Breakin' 2, Dune, Protocol, The Karate Kid.

Good effin lord, that is a murderer's row of hits. Do we EVER have years like that anymore? I'd say no. Not even remotely close.

What's sad about the state of the film industry is it's glaring lack of originality. Look back at that list. A new Terminator movie is being made. They're remaking Footloose to appeal to the High School Musical losers. Harrison Ford donned the hat and it wasn't what I thought it would be. A fourth Ghostbusters is being talked scripted. And now the word is out that they are remaking The Karate Kid. With Will Smith's kid.

I give up. Will Smith's kid is going to be the new Ralph Macchio? I am offended to the core.

Who can forget Daniel LaRusso taking down the Cobra Kai? A young Elisabeth Shue becoming one of the worst girlfriends ever? 5 teen karate dudes getting whipped by 3-foot-tall Mr. Myagi? Sensei Krease? You're the Best? Sweep the leg!? Put him in a bodybag!? Classic moments. Some movies are just too good in their original state to even consider remaking. Macchio was a once-in-a-lifetime loser-turned-hero, and there is no way he should ever be forced into the background while Will Smith's kid becomes the hero. Plus, no one will ever, EVER replace the great Billy Zabka. Don't even try this argument with me. I get violent in my defense of Zabka as the most under-appreciated actors of his generation.

This remake is dead to me. It has no chance of ever being seen by these eyes. Sure, it's not meant for my eyes, but it should be avoided like syphilis, bean sprouts, Tara Reid and ingrown toenails. These are not opinions, but facts of life.

A Quick Look Back

On Saturday night a few of us gathered to eat some food and hang out, and in the course of the evening we ended up watching the SNL Presidential Bash, where clips of political skits were shown from season's past. This got me to thinking about a great clip from The Daily Show when they mocked the idiocy of cable news and the Republican party. Watching this now through the lens of Obama being elected is hilarious. Hilariously scary that people thought she would have been a good V.P.

So Long, BVD Boy

Some of you may recall this story from earlier in October in this space. It was a warm and fuzzy tale of a guy in an office just trying to use the restroom, and instead getting a full-on show of male semi-nudity with little regard for office environment. It is still a conversation topic for a couple of my co-workers.

Well it looks like the headliner has played his last gig. We got word a couple weeks ago that an employee of one of the subletters was having his last day, and not knowing any of their names, my friend Kristin and I feared that BVD Boy was the one who was leaving. Turns out I think it is true. I have not seen the guy in awhile (neither in the halls nor with dropped trou) so I think he hath taken his show to another location. They have no idea what they are in for. Wish I could say I will miss him, but I won't.

Kristin has also now supplied with me new fodder, pointing out another subletter who when she coughs or sneezes makes a barking/yelping sound that border collies might mistake for a sign of friendship. I'll keep you posted.

Holy Creep Out, It's Catman

My buddy Kelly lives down in Dupont Circle, and while it's a great condo that he has lived in for the last seven or so years, the real special treat of the apartment is the front porch.

You see, his building started taking care of this stray black cat. Sounds nice, except this stray cat has a knack for killing rats and pretty much keeping the property safe from evildoers. This cat is a badass. And I am allergic to cats, so that is saying something.

Well, one of the residents in Kelly's building has taken a special interest the cat. And I mean a special interest. After a couple years of watching this guy, it's clear there is something between him and that cat. It's a mix of one part Dr. Evil and two parts freaky. As Janeane Garofalo once said, "You can love your pet, you just can't love your pet."

I snuck a snapshot of this guy stroking the cat not unlike something out of a perverted Godfather scene. Even walking by him and saying hi elicits no response from him. He's in a feline world all to himself. Maybe he's holding out to be king when cats take over the world. Good luck to you, pal.

Yes We Did!

I'll keep this short. I'm stunned into something many I know would not think possible from me: a lack of speech.

I'm so overwhelmed with happiness and joy and celebration that I am at a loss for words. This country is ready and has now said it is ready for a new time. It is a time I look forward to, and I time I cannot summon the proper words to describe.

Barack Obama is our president. And I have never been happier to be a citizen of this nation.

It is time for change. It begins today.

Monsters Vs. Aliens

OK, I have a little bit of a soft-spot for animated movies. Not all of them mind you (Toy Story, Monsters, Inc., Care Bears, and many others I cannot stand), but I'd be a lying fool if I said I didn't have some that I truly enjoy watching. The Incredibles, for one, is just hilarious and well done (Edna Mode is a classic character). Bee Movie was surprisingly entertaining. Wall-E, The Simpsons Movie, Finding Nemo, Wallace and Gromit, Nightmare Before Christmas. Stuff that seems like a kids movie but has a great bent of humor for adults to enjoy.

Now, I won't say this movie is going to out-and-out hilarious, but based on the cast roster (not your usual assortment of A-listers getting a fat check) and this funny trailer, it looks like it has Incredibles-like promise. I think the comical play on classic monsters has some solid potential.

Creepy And Cool All Over

I'll get half-sappy for a moment. One of my big mentors (though he never really knew it) is my buddy Bill. He's a bigshot photog on Capitol Hill. I knew a lot of the photographers at the newspapers I worked at, but Bill and I were cool with the same punk bands and making fun of our co-workers Sheila and Kelly.

When I first started taking interest in photography, Bill was cool about it, but I am sure he was skeptical and probably heard that from lots of people he knew. It did take me awhile to get my first camera and some basic gear, but I think that showed him that I wasn't insane. Then it was a matter of showing him that I wasn't a total hack.

After that was proven, he started offering to have me tag along with him on photo shoots so I could see how he works. One of the shoots we went on was at this abandoned asylum/juvenile hospital out in Maryland outside DC. It was not exactly kosher for us to be on the property, so we got to play the role of photographers and spy at the same time, which added some intrigue to the afternoon.

The light was amazing that day, and the rooms, hallways and various buildings we snuck through were amazing spaces. Some great chipped walls and ashen floors. Chairs still lingered in knooks and other creepy aspects were interesting and scary to find. One building was clearly the isolation ward, and it did not look like a fun place to spend an hour, let alone a sentence. Another was the medical care center, which still had a bunch of "equipment" strewn everywhere, stuff that I'm glad there was not a woman around to comment on.

Everything just looked like the whole place was functioning on a Tuesday, everyone went home and just never came back. Totally deserted. Among the most shocking was all the log books still all over the place, describing inmate activities and all sorts of things I found disturbing. I wish we had gone back for more visits to better document the grounds and the place as a whole, but we were only there for about 5 or 6 hours. Here's the first batch of photos I'll show you. Next week I will share the second batch. My personal favorite is the one above, this ultra-spooky nursery where rusted cribs were stacked around. The one we shot had just this stream of light from a doorway painting it, and it really had a creepy feel.

As always, hope you like the slideshow. Thanks to Bill for the inspiration and constant goading to keep shooting. If you want to see any of my other work, check out a gallery from the menu over on the top right.

Simple and To The Point

Vote.

Please, everyone, vote.

My DC vote won't mean a damn thing for Obama (he's winning DC in a cakewalk), but I'm eagerly trying to get everyone to vote for DC Councilmembers who are against opening up Klingle Road. I like having open park spaces in my neigborhood. Screw those who want to shave 2 minutes off their commute and clog up my backyard with their cars, SUVs and construction equipment for years on end.

Even if you like McCain and what he has brought to the table over the last few months, fine. I completely disagree with everything he stands for, but in many ways I'm thrilled just that this election is bringing out a lot of discussions, though they are not always polite.

I hope everyone does not pass up this chance. If you live in Kentucky and/or Ohio, PLEASE go vote if you are for Obama. If you live there and are for McCain, find something on TV to watch and avoid the polls. Just kidding. Well, not really.

Clouds of the Family Ilk

I give up. This is the week all my enemies must have been hoping for. If you have been following my travails of the last six days, surely you have seen the humor and darkness that has surrounded me. If there could be something of a culmination, it happened last night at Halloween dinner with my goddess divine's family.

My in-laws are great people. They are salt-of-the-earth, protect-your-own sort of farm/country folk. They are a collection of banking/construction owners, farmers, doctors, lawyers, education consultants, self-employed mechanical technicians, cooks and everything in between. It really is impressive. Everyone has a specialty, it seems, and conversations are always lively and full of good information.

But they are all Republicans. Die-harders. Fox News in the background at all times folks. It's the one thing that ruins it for me, as I am definitely the big-city East Coaster who, if we started talking about it, would instantly label me as a pinky commo. And that's fine, I'd get over it. But it definitely makes family gatherings difficult. I have to constantly find something to do than sit in the same room as them, especially right now when, four days before the election, they get excited for any Palin appearance on TV.

Last night was brutal. Besides listening to how "they should just get over it" when Obama effigies are hung from trees at my alma mater, I had to hear about terrorists living in the White House and Spanish becoming the official U.S. language. Just like me, they know who they are voting for, I'm just out-numbered and refuse to argue with my in-laws when they could easily dispatch me and my body would never be found.

The night finally ended, and I was able to spend most of the time doling out candy to trick or treaters who came to the door. I hope for an Obama victory on Tuesday, but I do wonder what this will do to family gatherings for the future. Screw it, I'll suffer through them for four/eight years of potential governmental bliss.