Friday Funnies

No joke, I was fooled. I saw trailers for Ted and thought it looked funny, but figured the best parts were in the trailer. I've been burnt too many times.

But damnit, this movie is hilarious. It features two hours of one of my favorite things: Animal humor. Love it. Always comes through for me, no matter how many times I see it. And this time, the animal humor is a teddy bear that comes to life and grows into a classic Boston wiseass.

Can't recommend this movie enough, even when it gets into the usual emotional BS at the 3/4 mark. But there are some surprising performances that show up, especially from Giovanni Ribisi. But anyway, let's focus on the funny, because it's everywhere.

Trailer Love

I'm showing off two trailers today that are geared toward the wife but for two wholly different reasons.

First up is the trailer for One for the Money. The wife reads these Janet Evananonconcnnovovnivich books like I read UK recruiting news, which is scary since it means I probably have a problem that needs professional help. I've never read any of these novels, but apparently it's all about this woman who has trouble deciding between two d-bags and caring for her alcoholic mother while fighting crime and getting her car blown up more often than our dogs take a crap. I just roll my eyes at the thought of these things, but she got hooked on them from my mother (damn you woman!) and now the wife is converting every female she knows into Stephanie Plum fan.

When the wife gives me the crazy eyes every time I see a trailer for a new comic book movie, I just relax and remember the love she has for this Plum character and how every woman in this nation has craved these novels to be made into moves. Well it's happened and the result is delicious gawd-awfulness.



This movie looks like a steaming pile of grade-A shit. And I know this not only because I know a thing or two about movies, but also because the wife and my mother have screamed bloody murder about Heigl being a insulting choice for this role (she spent about 11 minutes learning that Jersey accent) and complained bitterly about nearly every scene shown in that trailer. Not sure I'll see the wife angrier than if Michelle Bachmann became her adoptive mother or chocolate cake suddenly became a banned substance. Either way, it's pretty hilarious how much she hates what this movie has become.

On the complete flip side is the trailer for War Horse. Some no-name director named Spielberg put this one together, and not only do I have the feeling that I'll be seeing this movie with the wife more than once, but that this movie could single-handedly crush the wife's all-time crying record set by the movie Up. The trailer alone may set her back a few dollars in Kleenex. The woman loves a horse (and who doesn't?), so what can I say? Be brave, my dear wife, be brave.

Trailer Love

As most people know, I'm a huge fan of the documentary Darkon. And like the funny subplot of Role Models, here is a movie that looks to blend the realms of Darkon and the campy humor of Army of Darkness, which means it could hold promise of delivering laughs.

Trailer Love

This trailer is too damn funny. Even if it's not actually real. But with all the winks and nods to the original "Harry met Sally" movie, and the fantastic appearance by Tyson, and you can't go wrong here.

What I've Watched: The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Not long after my bowling outing with friends, I had a nagging feeling that out there, somewhere, was a documentary about this sport. And because of my psychotic love for documentaries about odd things (Darkon, Bingo, Trekkies), I found one that came out not too long ago called The League of Ordinary Gentlemen.

This is pure gold for people who grew up in the Midwest, where bowling was something we may not have done every weekend as a kid in the '80s, but it was something we did often enough that even our schools had bowling outings because it was cheap, it kept everyone engaged, and everyone was contained in a large room with little chance of escape.

This movie has it all. Drama? You bet. Well, drama if you consider watching washed-up bowlers in the 40s try to reclaim their glory. On a bowling alley of all places, and when it fails they walk 20 feet and start setting up their karaoke machines for the side business they're running (yes, this happens). Comedy? Absolutely. Especially when the wife of one of the bowlers gives probably the moneyshot line of the whole flick, but I'm not going to spoil it for you (just wait until she's wearing the nearly hand-stitched American flag sweater ... then you know priceless material is coming up.

One of the good parts early on is when the new marketer/president of the PBA gives a pep talk to the bowlers in a preseason meeting. Pretty sure Lombardi and William Wallace would have taken notes from this guy.

Trailer Love

I don't remember when I first watched the Winnebago Man clip at the bottom, but it was a long time ago. But I do remember that it reminded me why I left Kentucky (with its copious amounts of RV ads for RV dealers in southern Indiana) and also that this guy may be one of the coolest cats on the planet.

Anyway, when I heard that a documentary was being made about the search for this guy, I thought it could be pretty cool. Then I saw the trailer for the doc (at the top) and I was instantly hooked. Cranky midwestern guy with a foul mouth that only I can challenge? This could be some cool shit indeed. Mark me down for a 'yes' on if I will be seeing this movie.

The Olympics Might Be Screwed

So a couple days ago Kelly wrote his personal breakdown of how he could best survive and beat back the pissed off guys dressed like Oakland Raiders fans if the world went all Mad Max on him.

Well based on this trailer for the new Roland Emmerich movie, 2012, Kelly better get ready for Waterworld instead of desert wastelands. So everything you just wrote about fighting dirty and adjusting well to your surroundings might be total bullshit if Emmerich has anything to say about it. But apparently the movie is about the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 and the world coming to an end through global/weather happenings. Whatever, sounds like something Dr. Venkman would come up with.

And Emmerich's clearly the authority on the subject, since his last two efforts were the apocalyptic 10,000 BC and the weather-related The Day After Tomorrow.

In The Day After Tomorrow, freakin a Dick Cheney lookalike ignores prophecies from Dennis Quaid, which honestly I would probably do also. Then Gay Cowboy has to save a band of teenagers (all adults be damned) and begin a small Lord of the Flies colony in the NY Public Library. Oh, and Dennis Quaid saves the day. I love the video, just because the sappy music makes the film look like a romance where they avoid being chased by ice. Funny.

10,000 BC fares no better. They speak English, for one thing, a language that didn't exist yet. Now, I'll let that go, because a silent film or one of the Mel Gibson "boy I want to be authentic" attempts would have been too much. Instead we got all manner of historic time periods living together at once, and a hero who spans 11 different climate types in 2 hours. I guess what I am saying is Roland Emmerich is the Lou Dobbs of environmental films. Good for him. Hope Kelly gets his girl slapping down.