Friday Funnies

I'm still basking in the glow of last year's national title, while my good buddy Luke has seemingly forgotten that we won the big trophy last year (and beat Louisville on the way to doing it, no less). Can't complain about anything really.

But it's a new basketball season, and with it comes the holiday tradition of playing the Cards in a regular season game. My long-time friend Seth is drooling with anticipation, as his Cards will likely mop the floor with this year's UK team in a way not seen in a long time. I've already told him that I expect UK to lose by 7 or 8 if we're lucky to keep it close, while more likely seeing the freshmen lose their cool and probably get beat by about 20-25.

So it's going to take something special for UK to pull off the incredible. So for this week's Friday Funnies, we'll dedicate it to Patrick Sparks, who gave UK one of the more ludicrous victories in the series' history. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but still pretty funny nonetheless. Go Cats.

Random Thing That Looks Cool

Couldn't help but be enamored with this video of all the little tweaks and things that Rajon Rondo (ahem, former UK point guard and Louisville native) does when the balls get tipped off. Bonus points that he does soccer moves. I want him to kicking it to himself like a hackeysack sometime. Anyway, no real reason to post this other than I thought it was pretty cool and interesting insight into the human condition. Or something like that.

My Old Kentucky Home

Nothing I can write here can properly sum up tonight's game and it's meaning for us Kentuckians. It's just too big. Too big of a moment for a state that has so little impact in the grand scheme of things. But nevertheless, tonight I hope my Wildcats emerge victorious. If they do not, then I guess I hope Louisville wins it all, because it wold be great to have the national title in the Commonwealth, if not in Lexington where it belongs.

With that, the song that brings all us Kentuckians to tears.

My Nervous Excitement

The annual tradition begins once again: the hunt by my beloved UK Wildcats for that 8th national title. There are some scary names potentially in the path of my boys so here's to hoping this batch of young fellas can handle it. It'll be a nerve-wracking few weeks, but I'll wear my shirts proudly and sing the songs and all that jazz. Bourbon will be my companion (along with Dan, the wife, Luke and many others). Go Big Blue.

Idiot of the Day

Because even though I was too young to remember the last time UK ever beat Tennessee in football, but at least I can hope that we could properly put some signage up to motivate the players instead of sending them into the abyss of nothingness.

Idiot of the Day

This is another post from the Hawaii files. And, sadly, this one involves UK fans. Because I have to be honest, even my beloved state produces people that are idiots. Wait a minute, this is not news to me or anyone.

The UK-Washington game was a fantastic basketball game and naturally we had wonderful seats. The thing to understand is that the whole arena, save for a couple sections for the hoi-poloi, is open seating. Once they open the doors it's first-come, first-served which creates bedlam but for the most part it's all OK because it was mostly UK fans and once everyone figured out that there were no bad seats, people were courteous and friendly.

Until we ended up behind these jackasses. Sadly, these two dudes were a harsh reminder of what Kentucky can be like when you mix alcohol and idiots. These guys spent a large chunk of the pre-game and nearly the entire first 10 minutes of gametime screaming homophobic chants and generally making complete asses of themselves. It was bad enough that we, and the other fans around us, were lumped in with these guys (all made worse by it being a small arena where voices could be picked out all over the place). Then it was made worse when these two idiots got a three older fans (two women, even) to join them in the insult parade that further shamed me as a UK fan.

It was just disappointing as a UK to see people, especially these guys who seemed friendly at first, turn into raging idiots and complete mockeries and insults of my home state. Sure enough, there were fans from Washington and even louder ones from Connecticut the following night that were equally awful, and you expect it to some degree. Just hoped for something better while in Hawaii. Idiots. Just idiots.

Fun with Basketball

So I learned about Taylor University, which for its basketball team does a weird tradition the last game before final exams. Seems the whole crowd remains silent until the Taylor University team scores its 10th point, at which time the crowd goes totally apeshit.

I love it. Sure, it's gimmicky, but it's better than being a punk-ass coach who has to wear a white suit to get people excited about their team, despite them being a traditional powerhouse and having won a few national championships (that kind of crap I expect from a low-level school, but then again, maybe that is UofL's sad mentality). But I digress.

Anyway, way to go, Taylor University students. I'd say it'd be cool for the UK fans to do this at Rupp during a game sometime, but considering how the lower bowl of Rupp is 90% packed with old farts already half-asleep, they've sadly already have that covered.

Friday Funnies

It's been awhile since the Friday Funnies, and I need to bring them back in style. I don't have children, and that's not a bad thing. But several of my friends do, and this video passed along by my pal Dave is hilarious and the fact that the one guy has a UK visor on at least gives me the chance to say that Kentucky fans are a creative bunch.

Always Thought His Recruitment Was Sketchy

Looks like Coach Cal got busted. This would have never happened if the recruit was a poodle.


Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog

My Cats Storm New Orleans, Part 2

If you missed part 1, check it out here. Otherwise, here's how the rest of the weekend played out.

Friday was an off day for the Cats, so it was all about drinking, gambling, watching the other games, drinking, and drinking. We did a good job holding down the drinking part, that is for sure. Nothing outlandish in the sense of either Dan or I turning on the wood chipper on Bourbon Street. Instead, it was amazing steadfast, sustained drinking. Started at around 10:30 a.m. with a some bloody mary's at a dive called the Erin Rose (solid joint, check it out if you are ever there). We ended up talking to the bartender (she was on her 8th actual day of work there after being a customer there for three years, so clearly she knew her way around).

Soon after that, we decided to take the plunge and make our way to the casino. We weren't going in with big bankrolls or anything, just enough to get a taste and see if we had some good luck going at the craps tables. No dice. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't pretty either. It was rather surprising to see how high stakes the tables were at 1 in the afternoon. We were hoping to roll easy on some poor man's $5 tables, but they weren't around so we had to roll with the big boys. And no one was rolling well. Of course, this was aided by about 20 minutes of the most classic O'Neill Theory moments ever. For those just tuning in to the blog, my buddy Dan is uncanny in is ability to predict things, only to have them end up the exact opposite. This is so true that years ago I coined it the O'Neill Theory and friends, our fantasy football league and even his wife acknowledge its power. When his daughter gets to speaking age, I'm teaching her about the O'Neill Theory first (unless I unfortunately teach her to curse first). Anyway, Dan was killing me, saying things like, "I can see a run coming of like 5 straight points" or "I've been hitting 9 all day" and the inevitable, "This guy is gonna win me some money I'm tellin ya." Needless to say, no one hit a point for the 30 minutes before we left, Dan never hit that 9 and that 'guy' crapped out in 2 rolls. It was so painful to watch I couldn't stop laughing. Love Dan for that stuff; he never lets me down.

The only other noteworthy thing of that night was drinking even more and then checking out some great live jazz. The drinking was aided by a combination of the open container law in New Orleans so you can just wander aimlessly with a drink and not get in trouble with the 5.0, and then enabled further by the bars who all have a Buy 1 Beer, Get 2 Free deal. So for $4.50, you got three beers. And this wasn't PBR either, this was quality local-brewed Abita IPAs. Trouble, that's all I can say. The jazz was sweet, too. Just an excellent music scene that actually doesn't get as much attention as it should, in my opinion. Up and down the French Quarter are these little divey spots where bands are just killing in, and instead everyone wanders drunkenly into dirty strip clubs and throws shitty beads at 50-year-old women hoping for some nudity. Hey, it's part of the experience, I'm not judging. But the music is where it's at. We spent a good time in this one spot listening to this band (pictured) that was really damn good and when their set was finished we learned they were just the opening act, which was nuts because those dudes should be headlining somewhere.

Saturday was all about gearing up for the big game, UK versus Wake. Pundits were picking Wake in the upset, and after a poor showing in the Thursday game, the UK fans swarmed to New Orleans and painted the area blue, which was awesome. Dan and I initially upgraded to some corner seats in the lower bowl, but then lucked out completely when two Baylor fans said we could sit next to them in the first row right behind the UK band.

Kick. Ass.

The view rocked (pic of Dan at the top gives you a sense of our view). The band was full of doughy band types except for one cute flutist girl who we all jokingly felt bad for since probably every guy in the band has tried to date her and been rejected harshly. Plus, the low seats gave us an excellent view of the UK bench and the celebs in attendance. Some semi-famous rapper named Drake was decked out in UK gear. Actor Steve Zahn was wearing the blue and white (he's shooting the HBO show Treme, but I had no idea he liked UK). And then, of course, was Ashley.

Ashley Judd. The No. 1 UK fan on the planet in terms of celebrity, and she may not be my favorite actress, but she's hot and she loves UK, so I'm sold. Everyone wanted to get a photo with her, but luckily my time to shine came as halftime was ending and she walked right in front of us. She looked and Dan and I, made eye contact, said a nice loud, "Go Cats!" and gave each of us high fives as she passed. Awesome.

Anyway, UK won both games, and considering we made all the plans in about 30 minutes three days before we left for New Orleans, I'd say we did quite well. Stoked we decided to go for it and make the trip happen. Good times.

My Cats Storm New Orleans, Part 1

One of my items on The List (I refuse to call it a Bucket List because I'm not starring in some shitty movie with Jack Nicholson) is to attend a Final Four at least once, and preferably with UK playing in it. I have no idea if UK will make it this year with the talented team they have, but when my buddy Dan suggested we go to New Orleans for the first two rounds, I couldn't actually think of a reason why not to go.

UK basketball, live in the flesh? Check.
New Orleans? Double-check.
Copious amounts of drinking due to an open container law? Triple-check.
New Orleans has a casino? Let's make that four checks.
A bevy of oysters, gumbo and other cajun food delights? That's a handful of checks everyone.

There are more to cover, but let's be honest, after the seeing UK play in an NCAA Tournament game, the first two reasons were enough.

Getting hotels, flights and tickets proved more troublesome to get mainly based on timing. Everything had to be done in about 30 minutes because flights were selling out fast and by the end of it we had flights that left DC and New Orleans at 7 a.m. and 6 a.m. (brutal).

Once we got there, it was pretty much all basketball, all the time. Buying tickets gets you into every game that is played in the host city, so we got to spend the first day watching ODU beat ND and then watch an epic clusterfuck of coaching by the boys at Texas-Wake Forest.

What stood out in the Old Dominion-Notre Dame game was how brutal it must have been for the Irish to be playing at noon the day after St. Patty's Day. That's just mean. Plus, whether it was crappy fans or too much alcohol, the Irish fans were nowhere to be seen. Come on, Irish, I know it's not the Sugar Bowl, but it is the Big Dance and you gotta come represent. Crap, the ODU faithful outnumbered them 3-1 easily just with a cursory glance. Sitting with a bunch of Baylor and other UK fans, we joked about how bad ND's star Luke Harangody played and how he looked so fat he could have doubled the Irish crowd if he took a seat in row 6. Good times. ODU won beat the Irish, or maybe I should say the Irish lost to a combination of a small school and a hangover.

Watching the Wake-Texas overtime game was awesome, because it was like watching two 4-year-olds try and coach a team. Neither coach seemed to want to win the game, and were actively attempting to get booed out of the arena by their own fans. Reinforced my happiness that we didn't hire Rick Barnes, who was on the shortlist before we hired Calipari.

We upgraded our seats and sat about 10 rows behind the ETSU bench for the Thursday night game. As you can tell from the picture at the top, there were plenty of seats in front of us and we could have served the ETSU players a few beers and some chips while they got hammered by Eric Bledsoe and the rest of the Cats. All-in-all, a good start to the trip.

Back soon for Part 2 ...

My Friend, The Hater

I don't know why Kelly must hate on UK so much. This is one of my best friends, and he can't even give me a little support for a team I love. It's not like we're dating and I'm a huge Steelers fan or something. Because, you know, that would be way funnier.

Was he beaten up by some UK fans in high school? Is he still mad about when Eric and I gave him shit when we all watched UK beat UC in the Tourney back in 2005? Is he angry that UC has not had a relevant hoops player since Steve Long or Kenyon Martin's right leg? I don't know, but it makes me sad. I cheer for his teams that I don't really care for, and I get nothing in return. I think I'm challenge him to a fight in the gas station parking lot at 3 after school. Yeah, I'm that bitter and childish about it.

It saddens me because he bitches about UK like we've done something personal to him. What also slays me most is he always brings up this "UK fans have such a sense of entitlement" argument, which would somewhat make sense if he wasn't a die-hard Notre Dame football fan. Are you kidding me? Talk about sense of entitlement. Shit, I think ND is Entitlement U. This is a school that thinks it's above every bowl game that isn't a national championship game, so it doesn't play in them (unless it's in Hawaii, in which case Jimmy Clausen gets to show off his manly Bon Jovi locks of hair). Plus, he's the only fan of a team that I know of that once had a banner of his team's national titles hanging on his wall (which would still be there had he not lost it in a bet with an Ohio State fan). I have a bottle opener that plays the UK fight song, no replica title banners on my walls. He used to say that this belief came from growing up in Cincy where all the stations only talked UK and ignored UC. Sounds like someone needs to take that up with the programming people, because I seriously doubt it's UK's fault that the Cincinnati TV and radio stations; again, sounds like an Ohio problem, not a Kentucky problem.

It's further sad to have Kelly hate the Cats when besides his weak "entitlement" excuse is our new head coach, John Calipari. I won't defend Calipari's past shit. It's not worth it, the NCAA already did that. Plus, we beat UMass in the Final Four in 1996 and won the title, so I'm just fine with it, and unless I was secretly on the hiring committee, I have to accept whatever head coach UK hires (though I would have certainly kept Tubby and never gone down the Gillespie road but that got rectified and he can continue drinking himself silly back in Texas). Oh, but don't bring up drinking and head coaches, because you might just have to bring in the poster child for that, which would be Bob Huggins. Remember him? The coach who was arrested for driving under the influence in 2004, and was videotaped during the traffic stop by police and aired on national tav. Among the gems he stated were, "Do you know who I am," and "You can't do this to me." The cops said Huggins had vomited on his car door, and that his excuse as to why he was out driving hammered was that he had been with a recruit. That's probably not helping your case there, dude. At least Gillespie had been fired by UK before he got busted doing pretty much the same thing.

In fact, Kelly should love Calipari. He's exactly what Huggins is: a coach who gets questionable players to play well and occasionally runs into NCAA trouble (lest we forget that Huggins got UC put on probation in 1998 for "lack of institutional control" or whatever the hell that means; could have been all the arrests his players got). So don't hate on UK dude, we're not bad people. We're just happy our team is relevant once again, and we're just wanting to see some success from one of the only good things that state produces, besides illegal drugs and incompetent politicians.

Oh. Crap.

I am not a superstitious guy. At least, I don't think I am. But this is going to test me for sure. If you don't know, there is a theory called the Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx. And now I really only care because John Wall has made the cover of SI. And if this means he blows out a knee (a la Derrick Anderson) or something else bad happens, I might just start believing. A loss wouldn't count because the Cats are not good enough to go undefeated.

But he can't get hurt, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!! This jinx has to have been replaced by the Madden Curse by now, right?

No doubt, I'm going to be tentative watching the next few games.

My Man Crush

Is on freshman UK point guard John Wall. Here he is last week dunking on Jerry Stackhouse in a Pro-Am in NC. Sure, he's only staying one year, but it might be a damn good year to see a stud in blue and white play for the Cats.

Hello Takoma Park: Finishing Touches

Sure, we still have a lot to do to make the house perfect. The walls still lacks art, and there are plenty of little projects littered throughout the home to pursue, but one thing is for sure, one of the most important pieces of the home has been added. Lots of other houses have flags hanging from them, but now we are representing the Wildcats with pride and show the neighborhood we are not to be trifled with.

That Didn't Take Long

My brother Michael is so in love with the idea of John Calipari as the new UK coach, I tried settling him down with a rather bizarre question:

"You're gonna get a life-size blowup doll of Calipari for your room, aren't you?"

Michael in about 0.000047 seconds: "If he brings championships to UK, yes I will."

So after bemoaning the state of my lifeblood, UK Basketball, a just four days ago, I have something new to worry about ... whether John Calipari will end up being a good coach at UK. Oh, and staying away from my brother and that doll.

Welcome to Uncertainty

I need Norman Dale. UK is looking for a new coach. It's better to just do it now and get it over with. Pat Forde, a former Louisville journalist that I loathe at almost all times, wrote a well-rationed piece that pretty much sums it up. Mark Story has a subtle reply column. Both are right, and this scenario is just confusing from all angles. Just like Billy G was. I'm not sure who UK will get, but holy shit I hope they take it more seriously than they seemed to have last time around.

In all, I blame myself just as much as UK and everyone else. I miss Tubby Smith, but I did openly bitch about him when things weren't going well. But still, he was a top-shelf, class a guy and never got a fair shake from the residents who refused to accept a black man at the helm. Yes, racism still rings loud and true in the bluegrass state. I'm thrilled that he is kicking ass and happy in Minnesota. He deserves that much after all the hell he took in Lexington. But I miss him and wish he'd never been fired.

But to the main point, UK now needs a coach. I thought we could get someone strong two years ago, and from the moment he was hired I hated Gillespie. On the Bring Something to the Table Scale, he was eating crumbs with the mice. And no matter what, you just can't treat the UK job like a hobby or a totalitarian state where nothing you do can be perceived as wrong. It doesn't work like that.

UK fans may be crazy, but we're crazy because we're wickedly loyal. We treat that team like the English treat their soccer clubs. Loyal to the death, for better or worse. NITs won't get it done. 8-8 league records won't do either. No matter how much we tried to forgive the VMI and Gardner-Webb losses, there are some things we just cannot handle happening in Rupp Arena. I'm not sure who they will get, or how soon. And in a way, I don't mind waiting if it means getting the right guy ... whoever that is. I'm a little lost. Hunting for a new head coach is never fun. It means trouble. And we've had too much of it lately in the place that used to give me so much happiness.

A New Kind of Experience

Today is Selection Sunday. For someone from Kentucky, this gets marked on the calendar along with birthdays, Derby Day and when the beginning of college basketball begins.

But for the first time in my memory that I can aptly recall, Selection Sunday will not be viewed by me. This is because my most beloved sporting treasure, UK basketball, had a crap season because it has an even crappier coach. I loathe and despise the man unlike anything I know. I hated it when the (racist) jackoffs in Kentucky thought it would be better to get rid of a successful black coach (Tubby Smith) and bring in a southern style, single, drink-lovin Billy Gillespie. I think I am now going to call him Coach that Shall Not Be Named because I hate even saying his name now.

The last time we didn't make the tournament was when the NCAA BANNED us from going (thanks to Eddie Sutton for that one). That was in 1991. I was 14 and I don't hardly remember what happened in the years before it.

Today the third-longest streak in consecutive made NCAA tournaments comes to a close. I'm depressed, and I'm not watching Selection Sunday. It's going to be weird. It's going to be depressing.

Well, Crap

So two days after making me feel awesome to cheer for UK, the school punches me right back in the gut. We lost to hated rival UofL in hoops, a much bigger deal than winning a bowl game. Winning the bowl was sweet, but losing in hoops just means more. I feel sick. It's bad enough that now my buddy Seth will hang this over my head for yet another year. But it also just reinforces the ignorance and stupidity UK made in hiring Billy Gillespie. He's a terrible coach. I miss Tubby.

Ventrell Has a Nice Left

Hell yeah, the Cats won the Liberty Bowl. Sure, it's about 3 stages about a Toy Bowl game amongst 8-year-olds, but hey, it's a bowl game nonetheless. U of L didn't make a bowl game, so they can suck it. This victory was not an easy one, but the way it was sealed was nothing less than perfect:


I mean, damn! Mouthpiece jettisoned, knees buckled, a d-lineman jacking up the other team's QB on the way to a touchdown. I love it. Way to go Cats!