I know the exact moment when it happened. The specific moment in my life when my belief in religion and god and all that came to a stark and sudden end and it was never to come back.I admit that my questioning of religion and whatnot had been happening prior to this moment, and my faith certainly had been tested long before it. But once it stopped it was gone and it ain't coming back.
I'd like to say that I miss it, but I don't. Not one bit. In fact, I'm glad it's gone because I've found that it did nothing but get in the way. It got in the way of my better understanding and questioning and viewing of the world around me. Religion got in the way of how I viewed social issues, cultural issues, political issues, life issues, science issues, so much stuff that religion clouded for purely stupid and illogical reasons.
Luckily Christopher Hitchens' book was not what turned me. I didn't need this book, nor was it some book that I read in a weakened condition that I'll believe one week and in a couple months change my opinion again back to religion. I felt and thought a lot of these things well before I read his tome on why, as he puts it, "religion poisons everything." I don't subscribe so harshly to his statement there, but I don't discount it, either. His book did crystalize a lot of my thinking and helped give me some additional context and reasoning behind my thoughts. I didn't approach the book as giving me ammunition against religion or anything of the sort. I could just as easily kept living my life and not be chastised by two people on the train on separate occasions that I was "going to hell" just for reading the book (good luck with that whole heaven thing, assholes).
All I know is that religion makes no sense to me. Believe in it if you wish. Doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to attempt to convert you to my thoughts just as I don't think any religious person should bother wasting their time trying to convert me. Those Jehovah's Witnesses that keep coming by every weekend morning to my door, peddle your wares elsewhere. I have my thoughts on religion and I am always willing to discuss them with those who want the discussion. Hitchens' book did give me some other works to pick up and read, and I shall check them out in due time. I've got a long list of books I need to tackle first, though, and I can't spend all my time reading why I shouldn't believe in organized religion when I already don't.
Looking back now it's funny to remember the things I used to argue about. I used to get chappy when people said "god damnit" as if I was somehow going to be punished as well. I used to get into arguments with Dan and Luke in college about god and Catholicism and what I felt was right and wrong. I went to a Catholic grade school and an all-male Catholic high school, where obviously the religious views are rather firm. I still care deeply about my high school but I don't agree with the things it teaches. I still got a damn good education there (even if I was a journalism student, and we all know how good a future-employment decision that was). I'm not disavowing my younger years. I just think I have moved past that now and strive to better myself and not feel limited and held back by what religion offers. I once got all excited when my girlfriend was baptized in college as a Catholic, like it somehow made me a better person. My Catholicism had me convinced I was supposed to believe and defend all sorts of crazy shit, and I'm glad that I personally came about-face on it and got some more information before I continued spouting off some things I clearly had no business believing.
That moment when I truly, once and for all, stopped believing is my own personal moment and it's not necessary for me to share it. If you ever find yourself questioning god and your church and your leaders and whatever else around you, I recommend you read Hitchens' book because it might be the outlet and differing view you need to reinforce whatever direction you choose. You may read it and decide he's a nutcase. You may think he's right on the money. You may think he's somewhere in between. And good for you either way. All I know is that religion, church and whatever else is gone for me and isn't coming back.
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5 comments:
Hey, Chris, it's your old pal Jock from high school. My own moment happened almost ten years ago, and much like yours, the turning point was so clearly irreversible, as well as such a welcome relief. It's hard to adequately convey this to a believer without relying on offensive (to them) analogies to other entities from our youth that we stopped believing in.
Glad you're as comfortable with the deconversion as I am. I think that while an angry phase may be useful to work through various feelings, it's also a relief to get to a point where, personally, these faiths are more ignored than actively opposed.
Haven't read GING, but enjoyed God Delusion, End of Faith, Letter to a Christian Nation, Dennett's Breaking the Spell, and Dan Barker's Losing Faith in Faith. Here's a clip you might enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJBbAOmJtIQ
I see it differently - you have to separate Church (which the rules are run by humans) and faith. Faith, to me, is believing that there is a higher power (in my case God) and that I have a relationship is my own. It's personal and no church will be able to dictate to me what I "have to" believe.
Yes,I go to church every weekend when I can, but that's simply to feel grounded. Not a "bible thumper", but the world today doesn't leave much for people to belive in & without some kind of faith (no matter what form) it would be a sad place.
Millions of people can't be wrong and while I understand that you don't want to believe in the churches as a whole, I truly believe that it's a sad life if you live it without ever believing you have nothing to look forward to when you die.
I believe my Dad and all those that have gone before me are waiting somewhere & I will see them again. This brings hope where you never thought there would be anything more after they have gone.
There's a difference between separating yourself from the clutches of Catholic School and disassociating yourself from faith altogether.
What you have written is scary - I can only hope that as a totality it's not "irreversible". We all have to believe in something - or we are simply a shell.
Millions of people most certainly can be wrong, and must be when one considers the mutually exclusive claims of large competing faiths such as Islam, Hinduism, etc. This argument is a textbook example of the clasic appeal to popularity logical fallacy.
Believers who've never reasoned away the existence of any gods fear what they don't understand. What's truly sad is living ones life by a belief that is absurd and untrue. Believing in something that isn't real won't make it any less false, and it's better to face up to reality as it appears to be, like an adult, than to pretend that ones childish hopes have any merit because they sound nicer than the alternative. There is an objective reality that we all share, afterall.
My atheism is just as irreversible as your rejection of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, both of whom are themselves still believed in by millions, by the way.
There is simply no good evidence for believing in any deities of any kind. Atheists aren't "shells" -- we're just as fully human as passionate as anyone else, and we don't have to believe in supernatural claims just because someone obnoxiously decrees that everyone has to.
One can live a much richer life by appreciating just how finite it really is, instead of pretending one has a never-ending sequel in store with reunions with loved ones. I urge everyone to cherish the people and moments in your life which really exists, while they last. The fanciful lie that death isn't final for each individual consciousness can keep people from making the most of this precious, limited gift that we're given.
I'm not sure what's more upsetting, that you feel so strongly about not accepting what others choose to believe by saying it's "absurd", or the anger and bitterness that's coming across through your writings.
I'll pray for you that some day, you will get over whatever happened to you in the past. But it's not about taking a stand to the point that you don't accept people for who they are and what they choose to believe in.
This was never meant to become a debate on who's right, or upset anyone in a way that the backlash would be so harsh.
You see, we can believe or not believe & both have a rich full life. It's perfectly acceptable to believe in what you want to - that's your choice. We should all accept each other for who we are.
And by the way, I still believe in Santa - because I see him every Christmas in the people that choose to do good things for others.
If you choose not to believe, and still do good things for others, there's no difference - it's ultimately all good in the end.
I'm not sure where you could possibly get the idea that because of what I believe in, I'm simply sitting around not fulfilling my life, but only waiting to die so I can see my loved ones. I assure you that you are sorely wrong. This comes across as a spiteful attempt simply hurt my feelings in order to stand up for your beliefs (which you have every given right to have)
I just want to tell you both: Good luck. We're all counting on you.
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