Die, Asian Tiger, Die

So this piece of shit insect is my new enemy. I loathe its existence. It's the Asian Tiger mosquito, and it's infested the greater DC area this year. These little bastards know no fear. And they swarm. You're not getting bit by one, but by 6 or 7 of them at once. It's unreal. Friends and family are getting eaten alive out here. I don't get it nearly as bad as others, perhaps because I have some natural stench that repels them (never wanted to stink this bad in my life), but for whatever reason, I don't attract them like others do, but lately they are breaking through my defenses and I'm getting bitten more regularly.

Well now I am taking the fight back to these annoying fuckers.

We started small, getting citronella candles and some bug spray for when guests are here. Clearing out some ivy and weeds has hopefully help give them less area to congregate and mate like rabbits (screw it, for now I'm saying they mate like skeeters). Then we were given a Mosquito Magnet Liberty, which supposedly kills mosquitos up to 1 acre in coverage. So far, it's looking more like snake oil than effective skeeter killer. I'm not going to stop there.

My grandmother was kind enough to give me, the eco boy, some natural methods of killing these suckers, using a mixture of vinegar and sea salt. That will definitely be a way we go about it next spring. Another natural method I'm going to try is bats. They love mosquitos, so I bought a bat house and will install it in the back yard (it'll take more time to attract the bats, but we're going all out here and no option is unworthy of my attention).

Today I spent 30 minutes spraying some stuff on the ivy that claims it will give me 8 weeks of mosquito freedom. I'm buying that like I buy a sober Billy Gillespie, but anything is worth a shot. I don't think talking the mosquitos away will be an effective ploy, but I am open to any options. I want to enjoy my yard, damnit, so prepare yourselves Asian Tiger, I am bringing the thunder, like Rainbow Randolph:

Friday Funnies IV

If you have not seen it, the mockumentary "Drop Dead Gorgeous" is awfully funny. It's about a beauty pageant in Minnesota. There are a ton of people in it, like Allison Janney, Kirsten Dunst, Ellen Barkin and pre-gigantor Kristie Alley. Among the other comedic actors is Will Sasso. He's got a great role as the retarded brother of one of the pageant judges. He knocks it our of the park several times in the movie, especially in the "close up shop" clip. Anyway, hopefully this clip whets your appetite to check out the rest of the movie somtime, because it's a good one.

Going Parkin'

So it's a pleasant Sunday morning in Takoma Park. I wake up, get myself put together, hook up the dog and start walking through the neighborhood to the farmer's market. It's 9:45 in the morning, so the sun is out, the birds are chirping, a slight breeze is in the air, people are milling about, all is nice in the world.

We're walking down the sidewalk and parked on the street is a car and it looks like a guy is reaching behind the front seat and rummaging through the backseat. No big deal, until we continue along the sidewalk and lo and behold the guy is not rummaging through the backseat.

He's rummaging his way through a sexual encounter with a girl.

Oh, that's right people, at 9:45 on a Sunday morning on a street in Anytown, USA, this girl has her feet planted firmly on the ceiling of the car, his bare ass is exposed and they were having relations. No blankets, no car curtains, no nothing. Just going to town right there on the street. Sure, this street wasn't exactly 5th Ave in NYC, but there is a church about 100 yards away and Sunday morning, if I am not mistaken, is prime talking to god time.

The wife, in our collective shock, just burst out laughing and we kept turned out heads forward and kept on walking. I glanced back once we got to the end of the street and the festivities seemed to have ended. I know "parking" used to be a popular thing back in the '50s or something, but they at least went to remote lakes or cliffs or at the very least a damn secluded parking lot to get frisky. Of course, Luke's first question upon hearing this story and laughing was, "Well, was she at least hot?" Sorry, pal, no she wasn't.

Friday Funnies III

A guilty pleasure movie that I have is Harlem Nights. It's an awful movie. Well, maybe not entirely awful. It has a roll call of some of the top black comedians. Red Foxx, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Della Reese, Arsenio Hall, Charlie Murphy and many others. After about the first 40 minutes, the movie falls apart completely. I think that is what happens when you let Eddie Murphy both write and direct a feature film. At any rate, the top scene in the movie is when the whole group is together tallying up the night's take at the casino they run. Eddie and Della get into it and have to take the discussion out back. Good stuff. Plus, seeing Della "Touched by an Angel" Reese playing a cursing, violent madame is funny.

The End of Falling

I sucked as a skateboarder. I'm also bummed I never had the guts to pick it back up. So now I live vicariously through Kelly, Flynn and the other grinders I meet through them. I posted this story to them last week, but I think it's worth sharing with the rest of the world around me as well. Kessler was a cool guy, even if I never actually knew him. Be sure to watch the video at the end of the piece, also.

Game On: Week of Aug. 14

Here is my column from last week, courtesy of Vero Beach. The games reviewed: Wii Sports Resort and GI Joe: Rise of Cobra.

What I've Read: Assload of Fast Company

One of the best gifts my mother ever gave me was a couple of years ago when she got me a subscription to Fast Company. As a mover and shaker at GE, she thought the maagzine's blend of forward-thinking, business-minded, green innovation content was right up my alley. Boy was she ever right.

These days it's the only magazine I read cover to cover. I can't stop myself once I get going on it. But something happened last year. For some reason, I was in the midst of doing work and travel and whatnot, and right around Thanksgiving I forgot to read the current issue. And then the next came. And the next. Soon, like a broken record, a pile began forming on my shelf. Right before into the new digs, I decided that once I got done reading a couple books, I was hunkering down and blasting through those old issues.

Hell no I wasn't going to just pitch them and forget about them. Instead, starting in July, I was on a mission. I was getting through an issue every 2-3 days. I was on a roll. About two weeks ago I finally finished the August issue, and now I am all caught up. The best part is that I even found a good number of articles to pass along to my coworkers and bosses. So now I look even cooler because I am suggesting new ideas and stuff. That's me, the dedicated employee.

Relief for UofL Fans

At least Steve Kragthorpe is your football coach, I guess.

Friday Funnies II

This is from the the same Emmitt Smith roast from last week's clip. Every comic has a bad night when the audience just doesn't feel you and you are bloodletting onto the stage. I remember being in high school and performing at speech and debate tournaments having similar experiences. Now and then, you just hit an audience and judges who are not into you and it's a rough 8 minutes. Luckily, I didn't have Jamie Foxx to end my career in less than five minutes. Plus, calling him Doug Christie at the end is pure genius.

Can I Re-Gift This?

So last month was my 32nd birthday. No big deal, I figured. I'm not one for birthdays or holidays or any of that stuff. It's just not my style. And while there were no candles or cakes or (thankfully) Happy Birthday renditions, I did receive one gift that I was not entirely thrilled about.

A gray hair on my head.

So now it has begun, the inevitable decline from youthful good looks into something resembling a drunk Burgess Meredith. Not sure that the above photo is a proper reflection of what my locks will eventually look like, but I think can handle a gray hair or two. I have hair at least, unlike Dan, who is holding onto his Homer Simpson threads as long as he can.

Game On: Week of Aug. 7

Here is my column from last week, courtesy of the Macomb Daily. The games I reviewed were Little King's Story, G-Force and King of Fighers XII.

My Man Crush

Is on freshman UK point guard John Wall. Here he is last week dunking on Jerry Stackhouse in a Pro-Am in NC. Sure, he's only staying one year, but it might be a damn good year to see a stud in blue and white play for the Cats.

What I've Watched: Funny People

I have no doubts that Sandler, Rogen, Mann, Apatow and the rest of cast are indeed funny people in real life. But holy crap they are not that funny at all in this movie. Sorry, but this movie should have been called Useless People.

Rogen is good as his character, a fledgling comic trying to make the break. His two buddies are more successful but pathetic in their success. Sandler has moments in the movie, but most of the time he's just a spoiled brat who lacks humor unless it's ripping Rogen's heart out every 10 minutes. Mann starts off sincere but then plays the traditional wet rag role women seem to all have to play in Hollywood comedies these days.

I know the movie was supposed to have all these adult-centered themes about growing up and families and responsibility and all that crap. Well, it's just hard separating it from the reality that all these people are enormously rich and are probably more like Sandler's character than I had wanted to admit. It's good Will Ferrell, Jason Bateman, Will Arnett and some others steered clear of this movie because I would hate for all the comics I like watching to be sullied by this movie.

I think the only redeeming thing about the movie was that Sandler wears a UK t-shirt during perhaps the only 7 funny minutes in the movie. That was nice.

No Hot House Flower Here

"Mom didn't raise no hot house flower."

I had no idea what the hell that meant, but maybe it was because I was focusing less on what my wife had just said and still wide-eyed from watching her pull a tree out of the ground with her bare hands. Yeah, you read that right. She ripped a frickin tree down with her hands.

Apparently the saying refers to the fact that hot house flowers are delicate and wimpy and whatever, whatever, whatever. All I know is that I stood stunned at her newly discovered power, and she didn't have to turn 8 feet tall and green to do it.

Sure, the tree was nearly dead and it was only about 12 inches around, but ... wait a second. We're talking about a tree here. Not some crap little spindly weed or some ivy or dead flowers. We're talking about a tree. I've either married a sasquatch or the strongest woman ever. I'm betting on the latter. But I am clearly smart for always declining her offers to massage my feet when they are sore. She'd crush my toes into pulp.

One way or the other, we both laughed at this untapped strength she showed today, especially when 30 minutes later she proceeded to rip an entire bush out of the ground, roots included, and this was a helluva big bush. I'm not pissing her off for the next 72 hours at least. I gotta give this new-found strength time to wear off.

Friday Funnies

Hoping to share something funny stuff on Fridays to help liven up the mood going into the weekend.

This is Jeff Ross, one of the funniest comedians on the planet right now. A couple years ago he was at the Emmitt Smith roast, and he killed it. Absolutely killed it. Enjoy.

Game On: Week of Aug. 1

Here is last week's column, courtesy of the Post-Tribune. Games covered: NCAA Football 10 and Overlord II.

What I've Watched: Spring Awakening

I snagged tickets to go see Spring Awakening when the national tour rolled through the Kennedy Center. I will first admit that I paid little attention to the show when it was first released back in 2006. I think some of this was because much of what I read during this time was about how it was a down time on Broadway for creative work. Instead of rolling out truly original, inspiring performances, these works were taking a backseat to retreads of old revivals and Disney-fied shows like Tarzan that just missed the mark creatively and musically.

So when I went to the Kennedy Center, I my expectations for this play were low. The play is actually a revival of a play written in 1890 in Germany. Instead of being a straight dramatic play (as it was written then), it's been now turned into a musical. This had me a little tripped out, since a play written in 1890 about sexual tension, freedom and puberty in teenagers seemed a bit strange to be turned into a musical. Even more trippy to me was that the music was written by Duncan Sheik, whose music I was no fan of.

By the time the show ended, and after subsequent listenings to the music, I dig what the show accomplishes and tries to get across in its messages and staging. Child rape, virginity, the teachings of religion, the power of authority in schools and parenting, there are a lot of themes going on in this 2-hour show. Not all of them are handled particularly successfully, in my opinion, but I appreciate the attempts. One of the more important accomplishments of the show is how they have seating on the stage for audience members. It's a refreshing take on Broadway to see young theatergoers there on the stage and in a small way be part of the show.

Songs like The Dark I Know Well, Bitch of a Living, Touch Me, The Guilty Ones and Totally Fucked are songs which sound well but also have meaning behind them and don't come off just as pop-theater music. In the end, I'm just more surprised at how Frank Wedekind could write a play like this in 1890s Germany. No surprise, the governments of European nations banned it not long after its release, but to think that more than a century ago this guy wrote about things that are still very much prevalent today is pretty wild to consider.

Anyway, don't hesitate to check this musical out if it comes your way. It's not fluffy Cats bullshit. This is some modern Broadway that is very palatable for everyone.