King of Corn

The good fellas who make up Campbler's Tooth won the 2011 Summer Cornhole League last week. We went 11-1 in the regular season and pretty much dominated the competition. It helped that half the teams featured people who had a hard time even getting the bag close to the board itself (let alone the hole), but we just stepped on necks each week. The core team was myself, Kelly, Dan, Dboy, Paxton and Mike. They "assigned" us three girls to play on our team, but those fools never bothered ever showing up, so they don't get to bask in the glory of the title.

Our main competition came from two teams, the DSLs and Cornholio. DSLs were a bunch of frat brothers from WVU who all had jobs in the DC area. They were decent against other teams but sucked mightily when facing the mighty Tooth. Cornholio was a monster team of guys who knew how to throw some corn, but their problem was that almost every week they never showed up. When they did, they crushed teams. We split the season 1-1 with them and expected to face them in the championship game, but they lost to DSLs in the semis when only two players showed up half-drunk and threw the corn like they had a Julia Roberts movie to rush off to see.

Our most stressful match was the semis as well. We faced a team we'd never played in the regular season and featured a coworker of mine who I randomly gave some playing tips to before their opening tournament match. She soaked up that knowledge faster than Neo and suddenly she was whipping my ass. Thankfully the rest of the team stepped up (Dboy especially, winning us the match in OT 13-11) and carried us into the finals, where we had another tense matchup with the DSLs but eventually wore them out and were victorious, 17-13. Dboy got a pitcher for being team captain, the rest of us got beer glasses, and we celebrated as any team should ... at a bar. No champagne or beer was poured on anyone's head, though. Kelly might have liked that, though.