Idiot of the Day

I got on the Metro the other day and this fool was sitting there with three piping hot pizza pies resting on his lap, drumming his fingers loudly while staring ahead. It was a bold "I'm announcing my presence with hot, fresh, good-smelling food" and at the same time "I'm peeing in a semicircle to mark my territory like a momma lion feeding her cubs a recently killed gazelle" kind of move. I was impressed with his cojones, until I spied the four ravenous-looking teenagers that more closely resembled zombies after the meatsuits wore off (2:30 mark)) in the Walking Dead. Not saying he couldn't have survived, but then again, an idiot shouldn't bring that much food on a train without expecting questionable glances. Idiot could have taken a cab.

Holy Creep Out, It's Catman

My buddy Kelly lives down in Dupont Circle, and while it's a great condo that he has lived in for the last seven or so years, the real special treat of the apartment is the front porch.

You see, his building started taking care of this stray black cat. Sounds nice, except this stray cat has a knack for killing rats and pretty much keeping the property safe from evildoers. This cat is a badass. And I am allergic to cats, so that is saying something.

Well, one of the residents in Kelly's building has taken a special interest the cat. And I mean a special interest. After a couple years of watching this guy, it's clear there is something between him and that cat. It's a mix of one part Dr. Evil and two parts freaky. As Janeane Garofalo once said, "You can love your pet, you just can't love your pet."

I snuck a snapshot of this guy stroking the cat not unlike something out of a perverted Godfather scene. Even walking by him and saying hi elicits no response from him. He's in a feline world all to himself. Maybe he's holding out to be king when cats take over the world. Good luck to you, pal.