Shocked. Shocked I Tell Ya

Let me say I NEVER saw this one coming. Never. Seriously, they were the perfect couple, didn't you think?

But don't worry, I'm sure this is not the single mother Republicans complain about that are ruining society. Naaaah.

Still Damn Funny (Cont.)

All three deleted scenes from last week's Office were great, so I'm sharing them. Watching The Office each week is getting to be quite the event in my household. Primarily because it is 30 minutes of me laughing hysterically while the wife cowers on the couch saying, "I can't laugh at this. It's too uncomfortable. It's so inappropriate for the office. How does no one get sued?"

Yeah, I don't know what to do with her, either.

Never Gets Old

He's such a frickin loser. But he'll do it live!

Fuck You, Grapefruit

I grew up in a pro-breakfast household. My favorite for all time is bagels. But since I cannot always have the best bagels on the planet (from the bagel shop down the street from my grandmother's in Jersey), I decided a couple years back to go total opposite and eat healthy for breakfast.

So for the first year or two I ate a banana every day. About 10 months back I got tired of bananas and started mixing it up. Mangoes for awhile, peaches, apricots, pineapple. All good things. But since it's winter, most fruits are not in season except citrus. Oranges are good for juice, but not for eating. So my wife in her infinite wisdom suggested I go for grapefuits.

I like the juice, but have not eaten them much. Now, I loathe their existence on this planet. Seriously, no food item has ever had it in for me like the grapefruit. They are impossible to peel. On Monday and Tuesday, I did the traditional "cut grapefruit in half and scoop out each mini wedge" attack on the fruit. Huge mistake. Several co-workers passed by and snickered watching as I turned that fruit into more of a mushy soup. I even lapped one wedge into my lap. One of them mentioned that she had better success peeling the fruit and cutting it lengthwise like they serve at restaurants. I thought, what the hell, let's give that a shot.

Gargantuan mistake. I looked like Corky trying to play baseball (which is a little bit like me playing baseball). Juice was flying all over my desk like a T-Shirt blasted from one of those air cannons. I at last gave up and tossed the thing. I have one grapefuit left at home, and unless the wife can prove to me otherwise that this can be salvaged, I'm going Gallagher on its ass.

Not Forgetting About DC (Cont.)

I hate politics sometimes. But what I really hate more is guns. I hate guns. Hate hate hate hate hate guns. Yes, I love Gears of War and video games with guns are fun. But that's make believe. This is real, and I hate guns. And I really hate it when guns get in the way of DC getting its due.

Co-opting Hope

I gave up soft drinks almost a decade ago now. I dabble in the occasional ginger ale when a upset stomach busts in, but there will be no pop otherwise.

I preface this because I'm not bagging on Pepsi here because I am a Coke man or some other B.S. I'm pissed at Pepsi because they have co-opted Obama's hope message and plastered the Metro Center station with about 9 million signs and banners advertising their new logo. It's all crap, it's annoying, they look like crap and it ruins all the fun and joy from the inauguration. I hate looking at them. I cannot wait for them to go away.

There, I feel better now.

Sound Financial Advice

I must say, the wife and I have had some spirited conversations about the current economic crisis, especially as it pertains to homeowners. We are not on polar extremes, mind you, we just have subtle differences about how things play out. She tends to lean a bit more toward the "people should know better than to accept loans they cannot afford" while I counter with the "it's hard for random American to not do that when banks are quite good at selling such services to you" and also the "they don't live in DC, NYC, LA or a given massive city where you are inundated with political/financial news as opposed to talk to your cubemate about Top Chef and then going back to your telemarketing or Applebees waitering job" kind of outlook.

It's times like these when, because I'm an idiot, I find joy in the simplicity of message. Like last night's Daily Show, when Jon Stewart gladly showed me why it's insane to blame 'losers' for their financial problems when the people they ARE TOLD TO TAKE ADVICE FROM are equally moronic. The money shot in this video is at the end, but the whole video is money actually.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Welcome to DC, Joe

I hate hearing/reading/seeing anything about Joe the (I don't pay my taxes and haven't fixed a thing in years) Plumber. Can't stand him, but it's hilarious that Republicans keep propping him up.

Luckily, he got a warm reception by all of 11 people here in DC to promote his book. Love it. Now, get the hell out of my city.

Snow With A Tinge of Sadness

I woke up several times last night, checking on the snowfall. The wife and I desperately wanted a snow day. We have these great sleds and wanted to go to the giant hill behind our building and enjoy the first really good sledding snow of the season. Plus, the dog loves it. I could write a whole post just about his love for the snow. But that has to wait for another day.

This is because I have to tell you about Thomas. Thomas is the front desk man at my building. For 15 years he has worked here, a though I have only been living here for just over five of those, he is the closest thing I could call a friend in the building. His eccentric attitude and friendly persona is infectious. He always wore the loudest outfits, from all-purple suits to kimonos and African garb. He didn't know black clothes. His wardrobe is not made up of dour stuff of typical Washington, DC. Instead his attire simply reflected his view of the world.

Over five years Thomas and I had numerous conversations. I helped him setup his wireless Internet at the front desk. Helped him sort mail a couple times on super-busy days when he was overwhelmed. He sings for his church choir, something I did when religion made sense to me and I still had a singing voice (I think I was 12 then). He had a love for Tina Turner, and he talked about her music constantly. I found rare albums online and burnt copies for him, and once helped him burn and troubleshoot a DVD that wasn't working on his laptop. He loved Tina.

I'm having trouble between writing in present and past tense, because Thomas died yesterday. It's so weird. Just a week ago he was behind the front desk doing what he did ... solve everyone's little problems they didn't want to deal with. We had such a good rapport that he would always set aside my mail (and you know I get a ton of it every day) and would always have it there waiting for me on the corner of the counter. I never had to ask for it. Everyone else had to ask and wait; me, it was just always there and he'd give me a smile, ask me how my day was, we'd share a quick note about each other's day and I would move on.

He was gone all last week because he was sick. The wife and I thought he had a cold or something, like everyone else in DC right now. But this morning there was a subtle note on the front desk saying he died. No explanation, just "a sudden illness." Don't know if he contracted something weird, or had an unspoken cancer no one knew about. I have no idea, and I may never know. I haven't stopped thinking about him today. And when I walked into the lobby and didn't see my mail on the corner again, I half thought he'd be back there, ready to apologize and laugh as I jokingly gave him shit for it. It wasn't meant to be. And now it never will be.

I never got to say goodbye, and it may seem silly to write something this long about someone I only knew on such a singular level. Thomas was cool, though, ultra cool. He just had a way of looking at things and never seemed anything less than happy all the time. So here is my goodbye to you, Thomas. A couple good videos of Tina, who at 70 is rocking in a way I can only hope to do when I am 35. Your two favorite Tina songs, Thomas, hope you enjoy them, wherever you are.

River Deep, Mountain High:

Proud Mary:

Seattle Police Beating

It's no Rodney King, mind you, but it's pretty gnarly watching a cop beat up a girl just for flicking her shoe at him. There's no audio, but I doubt she said anything he hadn't heard before.