Shamed for All to See

Kelly pulled a nice move and immortalized my visage on the interwebs. There is a sports site we like reading called deadspin.com. Mostly sports humor and other related things. In honor of spring intramural sports leagues getting going, they allowed readers to post funny stories about themselves (or clearly, others) who have made asses of themselves.

That is where I come in. I'd re-hash the whole thing for you, but Kelly does an admirable job (a tip of the hat to you, sir) giving you all the appropriate details. It's coming up on the one-year anniversary of "The Catch." Not sure there is a good one-year anniversary present for this one.

You have to scroll down to read my story, entitled, "It Doesn't Look That Bad." And you get a huge picture I took of the whole event. At least Kelly was nice enough to give me the "Cops" treatment and blackout my identity. But that is me alright.

Hey, at least my face didn't look that guy's leg. Damn.

Fuck You, Grapefruit

I grew up in a pro-breakfast household. My favorite for all time is bagels. But since I cannot always have the best bagels on the planet (from the bagel shop down the street from my grandmother's in Jersey), I decided a couple years back to go total opposite and eat healthy for breakfast.

So for the first year or two I ate a banana every day. About 10 months back I got tired of bananas and started mixing it up. Mangoes for awhile, peaches, apricots, pineapple. All good things. But since it's winter, most fruits are not in season except citrus. Oranges are good for juice, but not for eating. So my wife in her infinite wisdom suggested I go for grapefuits.

I like the juice, but have not eaten them much. Now, I loathe their existence on this planet. Seriously, no food item has ever had it in for me like the grapefruit. They are impossible to peel. On Monday and Tuesday, I did the traditional "cut grapefruit in half and scoop out each mini wedge" attack on the fruit. Huge mistake. Several co-workers passed by and snickered watching as I turned that fruit into more of a mushy soup. I even lapped one wedge into my lap. One of them mentioned that she had better success peeling the fruit and cutting it lengthwise like they serve at restaurants. I thought, what the hell, let's give that a shot.

Gargantuan mistake. I looked like Corky trying to play baseball (which is a little bit like me playing baseball). Juice was flying all over my desk like a T-Shirt blasted from one of those air cannons. I at last gave up and tossed the thing. I have one grapefuit left at home, and unless the wife can prove to me otherwise that this can be salvaged, I'm going Gallagher on its ass.

Sound Financial Advice

I must say, the wife and I have had some spirited conversations about the current economic crisis, especially as it pertains to homeowners. We are not on polar extremes, mind you, we just have subtle differences about how things play out. She tends to lean a bit more toward the "people should know better than to accept loans they cannot afford" while I counter with the "it's hard for random American to not do that when banks are quite good at selling such services to you" and also the "they don't live in DC, NYC, LA or a given massive city where you are inundated with political/financial news as opposed to talk to your cubemate about Top Chef and then going back to your telemarketing or Applebees waitering job" kind of outlook.

It's times like these when, because I'm an idiot, I find joy in the simplicity of message. Like last night's Daily Show, when Jon Stewart gladly showed me why it's insane to blame 'losers' for their financial problems when the people they ARE TOLD TO TAKE ADVICE FROM are equally moronic. The money shot in this video is at the end, but the whole video is money actually.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Maui: Day 1

So we certainly accomplished a few things on our first day here. Took care of good food (ate at Mama's FIsh House, a swanky nice place along the northern coast). Scored a solid opening-trip breakfast at our favorite breakfast spot in Lahaina. Got in some solid pool time at the hotel pool (which turned out to be this massive pool with 5 or six pools connected by waterways so you can swim to each one without having to get out). But to top it all off, I even got another ritual out of the way ... my ability to get sunburned in the fastest, dumbest way possible. My pasty white skin just cannot handle the sun, so much that it's comical. Even layers of SPF 50 were not enough to stop me from being a total idiot, missing a few areas, and getting burned on them. As a small consolation, I now possess some spiffy (um, not really) racing stripes on my arms. It's studly, and sure to catch the eye of a hot girl in a bikini as she begins laughing at me.

My apologies for not getting pics up here thus far. My initial goal was to blanket the blog with galleries, but in the first day I took a bunch of photos and for some reason cannot download them off my backup digital camera. It's being cantankerous with my new laptop, so I will keep trying. I owe pictures involving a pig (you'll find out soon enough) and other topics. Off to sleep now so I can hopefully start off Saturday on a burn-free note.