Friday Funnies

This past weekend one of the movie channels started replaying Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I'm not going to condone or approve that illegal substances (or ones that at least require a prescription in some states) be taken when watching this movie, but damn it is funny.

This movie is quite hard to follow if you don't know or subscribe to Hunter S. Thompson's writings and view of the world. Quick with the words and turns of phrase, it's a great romp of two hours through Vegas, deserts, drugs and ... well ... more drugs. And this scene is just a brief highlight of what happens in the film.

But then again, maybe it's because I'll approve of any movie that features a Kentuckian doing what we Kentuckians do best ... acting weird.

Greening My Mother

Hey, bringing back an old favorite of the blog, where I pass along a helpful link or idea that is rather earth-friendly in the hopes of swaying my mother into the 21st century. She recently got an iPhone, which is something massive to celebrate because it means she has a phone that no longer flips (now that just leaves my technology-challenged sister as the last family member living in 2002).

Anyhow, this edition is about a new store that does double duty in the green/eco department. It's called Herban Lifestyle (oh yeah, good work with the name). They are based over in Alexandria and they sell bath products for the ladies and the fellas. I heard about them well over a year ago but wanted to test drive as many of the MEN products as possible before deciding whether to give them the thumbs up or not. So it's awesome that they not only ply their trade in chemical-free products, but since they are local it reduces the footprint for not having to ship it from all over.

Well, guys, feel free to give them a ring or order from the website because the stuff is legit. I started with the aftershave, which takes a little getting used to at first but is quite good. It helps that it features rum as a base (for that stingy effect) but also a bunch of aloes and and dolphin tears to help keep the post-shave skin from bursting into flames. The other two products I gave a spin and like very much is the face lotion (because let's be honest, this ugly mug ain't getting younger) and the soap. And before you make fun of me for buying soap, just know it's beer soap. Oh yeah, beer and soap. Together. Thank you, I'll have another. I'll admit the bars are a little small and don't last as long as your typical Irish Spring or whatever, but it's better for you and is a lot more fun to say "I use beer soap" as opposed to saying, "honey, buy me some Dial at the store, will ya?"

As you can imagine, I haven't taken any of the women's products for a spin, but I'm going to trust they are going to do you just fine. I've heard of some other companies like Urban Cowboy and others that sell all-natural/chemical-free stuff for men, but they didn't impress me with the descriptions or product listings so for the time being I'll keep hunting for other products like deodorants and let you know if I discover something good.

In the meantime, if you're considering some aftershave or some lotion or something, give Herban Lifestyle a chance because you're doing good for your body and the planet all at the same time. As the knight in "Last Crusade" would say, you've chosen ... wisely.

Game On: Week of June 22

My recent column reviewing Dragon's Dogma and Sorcery. Thanks to the Toledo Blade for publishing.

 

My Schoolwork

I’m well into my second class of my yearlong online digital media skills course, but I thought I’d share with you one of the projects from my first class. We had to create a movie poster based on a self-portrait or some kind of biopic idea. The object was to take a bunch of the Photoshop skills we had learned and implement them in one big project. Everyone in the class went a lot of different routes, which was great to see. Some focused on their military service, or their love of music or nature.

For me, it came down to a couple of potential options.

1. UK Basketball. I was going to create some kind of boyhood dream where I got to don the blue and white and have some kind of stellar career (or suffer some kind of horrific injury but come back in some dramatic way).
2. Gambling. This one was closest to becoming the poster. I wanted to do some kind of homage to “Casino” and “Rounders” and make a poster about me kicking ass at the craps table. This one would have tied directly to my bachelor party in Montreal, when Kelly, Dan, Luke and I went on an epic tear until 5 a.m. winning loads of Canadian coin.

In the end, I went with a third option, marrying to of my loves ... horse racing and bourbon. I decided my biopic would be of a Kentucky boy moving back to his home state to rediscover his roots and fulfill his destiny to make a great bourbon. Yeah, that sounds about right.

My mom took the picture of me (at 8 in the morning, no less, while standing in my backyard in my tan suit but with shorts on), and the rest was all Photoshop magic. My classmates all liked the way it turned out and I was excited about it as well. Now, if only this were “based on a true story.” Alas, maybe someday. Or maybe I'll get that call from some production company to design some movie posters. That'd be just fine by me, also.

My Question to the Police

Look, I love my Takoma Park Police Department. They helped me out in my big time of need, and have recently kicked some ass by making some nice arrests related to a string of burglaries in the neighborhood. But I gotta ask about this cop’s back windshield. A whole collection of plush dolls and beanie babies? I really hope those represent a child you’ve saved from a sex predator or something in that vein (and if true, you rock a whole truckload of ‘em if you want!), but if they are there just for decoration I have to wonder about the fear that levels in would-be crime-doers. Batman wouldn’t rock out a stuffed animal.

Friday Funnies

I love me some bad cases of extreme over-acting. And these are some of the best I could find, and they are funny just because we are supposed to revere these actors as masters of their craft.

What I've Read: To The Last Breath

Gotta give quick props to the new job on this latest book that I read. It was featured in a book review in the first issue of the magazine that I worked on. And when the reviewer gave it back to the office and it was available to anyone for free, I quickly snatched it up. It's a book right up my alley.

You all know by now that I love me some nonfiction, and combine that with an interesting tale of life, death and the search for meaning in it all, and I all on board. Slakey is a Georgetown professor who lived a very solitary life (for reasons perfectly understood when you read about it) until he decided to accomplish a seemingly simple task: summit the peak on each continent, and surf a wave on every ocean on the planet.

Of course, no plan every goes off without a hitch. It takes him about a dozen years to complete the task, but not before he is nearly killed on a couple occasions and he experiences more than a few deep and introspective moments. His trips to Indonesia, Antarctica and more are filled with interesting insights into the human mind when it's left in isolation (be it on top of a mountain at 18,000 feet or looking down the barrel of a gun in a foreign jungle). This was far from the deepest experience I ever had reading a book, but it was certainly a worthwhile read and also a quick one at just over 200 pages. And anyone who has read Into Thin Air or similar reads will feel right at home here.

I can say for sure, though, that this book reaffirms my desire to summit Mount Kilimanjaro with my buddy Luke, who has has talked about it with me several times over the years. It's probably a silly fool's dream, but it is something to dream of, and that ain't bad.

Idiot of the Day

I value my train ride into the office each morning. I want peace and quiet. I guess if I really wanted it I would drive a car and be alone, but I care about the planet and all that jazz. So instead, all I want is to read my book and gear up for the day's work.

But there are mornings like this morning that just piss me off. Here is this idiot, who decides she wants to carry on a full-blown conversation with the guy sitting behind me. But of course she wants to talk at a volume that could be heard at the other end of the fucking Red Line. And what the hell, people? It's not like you had to talk five rows apart. She had an open seat right next to her. He had an open seat right next to him. How about taking it and keeping down you damn fools? Metro must hire these people so they can make sure no commute is truly relaxing and easy.

I hate people sometimes.

Getting Back in the Groove, v3

A few weeks ago I once again dusted off the running shoes and participated in the TKPK5K, my one solitary effort to run for more than 10 feet and simultaneously benefit my community. OK, so maybe that is a tad of a stretch. As opposed to last year's disastrous idea of not training an ounce and just walking up the starting line and running 3 miles, I decided this year to at least fake like I was taking it seriously.

This involved running on a treadmill a few times in the two weeks leading up to the event. This was mainly because I was convinced that I would snap my ankle or get beat by a 7-year-old. Well, the second part still happened (those little kids have boundless energy, I stood no chance). Anyway, I did break one of the race rules by listening to an app on my iPhone while running the race. It's called "Zombies, Run!" and it rocks. It's a story that is told while you are running and integrates your GPS into the story, collecting supplies and outrunning the living dead. Good stuff, I highly recommend it for anyone who likes to hit the trails or pavement for a little exercise.

The best part was that I actually beat my time from last year (just barely broke 30 minutes!), even if my place in the standings didn't improve and they spelled my name wrong. I guess the running talent at the TKPK5K is getting stronger. Well, I'm not. I'm just gonna keep hitting my own pace and the rest of these fools running their 5-minute miles can enjoy the extra glass of juice at the finish line.

Friday Funnies

Not a good week for laughs. So I'll just put up a commercial that made me laugh when I first saw it. And I know Klondike could have pulled this off (and he had a way better haircut and a much better bark than that poodle did).

Idiot of the Day

Let's all say it together ... doughnut. It's called a doughnut, you idiot. Good grief. Is there anything stressful about this situation that would cause someone to blank this much? Hope we don't have to see how he handles an oval office meeting when he can't identify the nation on a map that he wants to bomb. What an idiot.

Game On: Week of June 8

Here is my recent column reviewing Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Future Soldier and Bloodforge. Thanks to the Evansville Courier-Press for publishing.

 

Friday Funnies

Sometimes there is nothing better than watching bloopers from a show that could not be more serious. In this case, it's the humorous breaks in Breaking Bad. And yes, I know the final season starts soon. I'm itching for some more of that Blue Sky.

My Bocce Introduction

Of the many things I am learning as a new employee at the Washingtonian (and believe me, I'm made the fool at least twice a day), something that never ceases to amaze me is the general happiness everyone takes in working there. Just being part of the magazine staff is something people are genuinely happy about, as opposed to it "just being a source of a paycheck."

The owner of the magazine had us out to her house outside Annapolis last weekend for a company picnic. First, the house was bitchin. Built on a peninsula with the Severn River on one side and some other equally lovely body of water on the other, the physical land alone was stunning.

Second, I played bocce for the first time. And as you can see by my form, I was a quick study. The orbs you play with are way heavier than I ever thought, and I was convinced I'd either break my foot dropping it or kill a small woodland creature if it got in the path of it once I hurled it. Nevertheless, my team lost but it was a close game. I'm already scouting bocce sets to buy for the house because I have a feeling this is something I'll want to play again (but don't worry, cornhole, I won't quit you).

Game On: Week of June 1

My recent column, reviewing Akai Katana and Mario Tennis Open. Thanks to the Evansville Courier & Press and Detroit News for publishing.

 

Friday Funnies

This week's Friday Funnies came to me as I was watching an old clip of Arrested Development on IFC. I randomly started thinking about The Brothers Solomon, a rather stupid movie starring Will Arnett and Will Forte that happened to feature some pretty funny clips now and then. The basic premise of the movie is that the Wills are homeschooled morons who have tons of off brain knowledge but little in the way of social skills or street smarts. Thus, every encounter they have with people in the real world tends to go terribly wrong. Such as in these clips.