My Ireland Vacation

This happened technically in Amsterdam but it was part of the Ireland trip so I'm counting it.

When Dan and I had a layover in Amsterdam from 4:30-6 a.m., we were wandering zombie-like through the airport when we noticed signs saying that a casino had recently been constructed inside the airport. Really? Because that's what travelers need, an airport to throw more money away?

Naturally, Dan and I rushed right over.

Let's be clear, this was not the largest casino ever. In fact, it was the size of something I imagine a basement casino would be only with fancier carpeting and sophisticated security besides a 400-lb dude named Rolly. It had a few slots, two roulette tables and four blackjack tables. Bummer, no craps. So Dan took up a chair at the blackjack table and I stood nearby and watched him begin hemorrhaging money, mainly because in Amsterdam the house wins on any push of 17 or higher, which is probably the worst fucking rule I've ever heard of.

But it led to an amazing 20 minutes of gambling by this guy pictured at right.

He busted out a few hands and was out of chips. Sometimes you're still feeling it, so apparently he was so he dipped into his pocket and pulled out a 50 Euro note.

Lost the hand. Pulled out another 50.

Lost. Reach in, pulled out another 50.

Lost again. The hand went into his pocket, out came another 50.

Which he lost.

At this point, Dan is giving me looks like, "Why the fuck is this guy still playing?" while my mind was saying, "How much fucking money does this guy have in his pockets?" because he kept dipping in.

And losing. At this point, in less than 15 minutes, he's lost at least 300 Euro in starting chips since we had sat down and another 400-500 in cash from his pockets.

I took the picture thinking this was going to be a classic Idiot of the Day post, until this older Japanese guy sits down. You see, in Amsterdam, blackjack has a rule that doesn't exist in America. Besides just betting on your own hand, you can bet on another player's hand. It's a sly way of keeping you at the table and giving you a chance to win off someone else's luck if you're having a bad run of cards. The key is, the payoff is not as high ... unless you hit blackjack.

Sure enough, dude reaches in for his 78th 50 Euro note, and bets on the Japanese guy.

Bang, blackjack.

Guy collects his money, doubles up his next bet on Mr. Roboto.

Blackjack. Guy gets his money, doubles up again.

Boom goes the dynamite, blackjack again.

Now we're getting scared. The dealer looks at the pit boss. Mr. Roboto doesn't say a word. Dan looks at me like a killing might go down. It's rare enough to see a guy blow through 1,000 Euro in 15 minutes on straight losing hands, another to see a guy starting doubling his money back up by winning three straight blackjacks off a complete stranger.

Next hand, dealer busts out, guy wins more money.

Next hand is dealt, and as if karma is out smoking in the parking lot, guy pulls another blackjack.

Dan needs oxygen at this point, because he's only hanging around the table quietly winning some hands here and there just because we don't want to leave the casino and miss out on the conclusion of this guy's run. Sadly, though, we pressed our luck as long as we could before we had to leave for our flight to Dublin. Who knows what happened to that guy, if the House eventually fought back and took money back from him or he walked away a winner.

So you know, when we left, the dude won another blackjack. Five out of six hands he hit blackjack.

I love gambling.

My Fantasy Title ... Again

I have to say, thus far my 2010 is closing strong. And one main reason for this is that Tuesday I clinched the championship in the Mud, Sweat & Tears fantasy football title.

This is a special title on many levels. For one, I won the league in a year in which my buddy Dan, the self-proclaimed Greatest Fantasy Football GM Ever, won a whopping two games. All season. It was a glorious season all on its own just for that fact alone. But being able to make him watch me grind my way through the playoffs and pull off a title victory is the sweetest icing on the cake possible.

The other main thing that makes this a great title for me is that it's the second in three years for yours truly. Three straight playoff appearances, and I've won the title in 2008 and now 2010. Kinda reminds me of the 1996-1998 Kentucky Wildcats, who won two national championships in three years. My fear with that comparison is that UK then went off and became the Team that Success Forgot for pretty much the next decade. Now that I think about it, scratch that comparison (I don't want to live with the fear of becoming irrelevant in fantasy football); I'll just take the titles and be happy.

Playoffs? Play..Playoffs?!?!

Yes, if you've never seen Jim Mora's rant (yeah, he was a real head coach in the NFL, scary), then make sure you check it out. He might have been just a tad crazy.

Well, it's time for the playoffs ... in fantasy football. If you don't know what fantasy football is (and I had to explain it to my mother, bless her heart), then I don't know what to do with you. Just know, it involves football, your friends and gambling. How could it possibly go wrong?

And you need to understand something, I put a little pressure on myself this season. You see, I won BOTH my leagues last year. That's right, I kick ass. Two leagues, two championships. And considering how terrible I used to be at fantasy football, this was a shock to just about everyone in the leagues, and it really pissed Kelly off since he takes this a little serious. Furthermore, you should know that I am so dedicated to this stuff that I have been writing a weekly column for one of my leagues for about 4 years straight. Yeah, I'm a dork, and I'm fine with it.

At the beginning of this season, I was in the rush of a super crazy work schedule, and before I knew it, I was saying yes to everyone, and suddenly I had agreed to be not in the normal two but 5 (FIVE?!?!?!?!?!) fantasy football leagues. I must have been drugged by someone.

Undeterred, I went forth and did my best. The two main leagues I took seriously, and the others I gave it the old college try. And sure enough, I made the fucking playoffs in all five. That's right technology and rivals, suck it. I am not the best team in all the leagues, by any means, but I've made the playoffs and that is all that matters. I just can't believe I did it. Big pat on the back for me. Yes, congrats for me for being such a dork.

Vegas or Bust

Making my way westbound today. Heading out to that oasis in the desert. The place where dreams and bank accounts are grown and shattered (hopefully the former for me).

That's right baby, I am headed to Vegas. That wonderland where all my gambling desires are fulfilled. A smaller crew is headed there than in year's past, but we'll somehow survive. Normally this trip is done over MLK weekend with all my buddies from fantasy football, but because of the inauguration of the savior, prices were too expensive to leave DC that weekend.

So we pushed the date back to coincide with the opening of the NCAA Tournament. Sure, I did think I would be getting to see UK play instead of having to watch them in the fucking NIT last night, but whatever. I will get my kicks rolling 6s and 8s at the craps tables, sprinkling in the occasional 9 (neuf!) in honor of Kelly and our epic roll in Montreal with Fat Tony.

It's always funny talking to friends about Vegas, because it always comes down to two camps. 1) My guy friends who are pissed at me for going and watching college hoops from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. without a break at the sportsbooks; and 2) The female friends who wonder where I am eating and whether I will see the sun or hang out at the pool. Ummm, no pool (there is plenty of gambling to be done), no sun (who goes outside in Vegas when there is NONSTOP tournament hoops on (which includes more gambling), and as far as the eating goes we will have our ceremonial high-end meal (big bloated dinner at Del Frisco's) while checking scores and heading back down to Old Vegas and the Hard Rock for more ... well ... gambling. You get the picture.

So if you need me, you know where I will be. Here or here. Nowhere else.