Vegas Observations, Pt 4

OK, last section (I think). A few more thoughts as I wrap this up. As said before, catch up with parts 1, 2 and http://thispixelatedlife.blogspot.com/2009/03/vegas-observations-pt-3.html if you need to.

>> Gotta give it up for Matt, who surprised us all with his commitment to the tables. Cards be damned, he powered through and sat at the poker tables raking pots for around 40 or 50 total hours. This was enough, I think, to earn him a free spot in a high buy-in poker tourney the next time he is in town. Of course, I would have asked him about it had I been able to pry him away from his seat.

>> Must say, Caesar's is a great sportsbook to watch games. 8 large projection screens. Smart employees. Loud speakers. Hell, they even have the restrooms within spittin distance so you are not pulled away very far. I ended up hanging out with a crew of guys on spring break from Connecticut. This is because all my compadres were off playing poker or being pissed at each other. Hmmm, speaking of that ...

>> Agent Zero! Scott Summers! Silver Fox! It's Wolverine the movie! When the hell does it come out again?

>> Be careful what you wish for when trying to save money by crashing with friends. We're all grown men, and I guess it was a matter of time before words were had over the sleeping arrangements. Me? I'm a floor guy. Can't remember the last time I claimed a bed. Give me a comforter and two pillows and I will take one for the team and crash on the floor. Well, we had a gigantic room so it should never have been an issue, but sure enough a good deal of alcohol thrown in and tensions boiled over. I'll spare the specifics, but Luke and Sean had an epic battle over who slept where. It spilt over into the next day and all but killed the momentum of the weekend. I think hate beams from their eyes are being thrust from Cincy to Lexington as we speak. Come on, fellas, be adults and hug and move on. But it was damn funny to watch.

>> Luke pointed out this infomercial that had escaped me until now. It's four women and 100% D-bag talking on a couch about small penis size and how terrible it is for men. What the fuck? I was enraptured by this program. Wow, talk about highly offensive to men. I mean, come on, no good comes of this. I'm getting a wee tired of all the programs/pills/ads/whatever all spelling out how horrifying it is for a man to hear this stuff. Not every man needs Viagra, but you'd never know it if you watched any major sporting event. Christ, you'd think all women in the world were going unsatisfied. Just wait until they start advertising sex pills for women on E! and Bravo. Then the shit will really hit the fan. You know it's coming, ladies. Don't say you weren't warned.

>> The highlight of every trip for me is the Saturday night run at the Hard Rock Casino. Love it there. Never have bad luck there. Cool people. Great tables. Great music pumped throughout the place. Hell, they even have Aerosmith chips and a full display of Steven Tyler apparel. So you know I love it. This year was no exception. Luke and I had a thrilling run for a couple hours. We met some cool people, all of whom stayed around the table for a healthy session. By the end of it all, Luke and I combined took more than a grand from the Hard Rock. It easily helped us pay for the hotel room and cover some of our losses from earlier. In all, it was a fitting bookend to yet another fabulous excursion to Vegas. Next year we'll hopefully have a bigger crew. And individual rooms. And less Wolverine.

Vegas Observations, Pt 3

Thanks for catching up with me and my Vegas ramblings. Be sure to start with Parts 1 and 2 before proceeding. Done? Good. On with the ramblings ...

>> There is nothing better to remind you of home than sitting next to two chain-smoking horse racing fanatics. Shitfire, these two were something else. They were from Missouri, and they had a love of horse racing that rivaled those in Kentucky. Of course, their love of cigarettes would make any Kentucky tobacco farmer proud. But these two got it done. They were making 7-9 bets on races taking place at 4 different tracks across the country, and they knew what they were doing. The guy was hitting trifectas like I was putting down vodka/tonics; many and often. They gave me a few tips and won me some money while I was watching the hoops, so that was nice. Bonus gambling money and getting to cheer on the ponies always hits a warm spot in my heart.

>> 53 viewings of the Wolverine trailer into my trip, and I got to say I am a tad nervous about the handling of one of my favorite X-Men characters, Gambit. The dude is a cajun card player with exploding playing cards and an electric bo staff. That equals badass in my book. Yet in this movie it looks they have a makeup loving frenchman with perfectly coiffed hair and silk shirts. You already know my opinion on silk shirts. They better not screw this up. Maybe I am looking into it too much. I mean, I have seen the same 4-second clip of him 53 times now ... and counting.

>> The Wynn hotel and casino is a massive operation. How massive? We drove by a 6-level, two-square block parking garage. For its employees. We may be in a recession, but the Wynn at least gives its low-paid workers a place to park.

>> Stryker! Emma Frost! Beak! It's Wolverine the movie, coming May 2! I think everyone in Vegas has their tickets already.

>> With Vegas looking for any way to attract tourists to come there and spend money, they have appealed to a new low of retarded, lazy, stupid Americans. Yes, they are renting, renting, those motorized scooters for you to go about your day in the casino. Because apparently walking, elevators, moving walkways and all the casinos virtually connected so you can go from one end of the strip to the other without seeing the sun is too much stress for people. We can't get people united around solving the recession or global warming, but let's spend our time coming up with ways to make us expend even less energy. Brilliant. Thankfully, I was just one of many who called these guys out on their collective douchebaggery. It was fun.

Vegas Observations, Pt 2

Before you read this, be sure to check out Part 1, as it lays the foundation. Now, on with the random thoughts:

>> Perhaps my biggest screwup of the trip was being drunk and believing that Sean would find one of the apps on my iPhone particularly amazing. When it's quiet and you turn on the lightsaber app, you can move the iPhone around and it sounds like you are swinging a Jedi knight and kicking some imperial storm trooper ass. OK, maybe I am already making myself sound like a dork, but trust me, when you are hammered and looking for a quick laugh it's a solid go-to. Anyway, Sean was clearly not drunk and after hyping it and showing it off, he proceeded to call me a loser for the next 72 hours. Damnit, I'm an idiot. Let's just move on.

>> I don't mind advertising, but holy hell if you could not feel the effects of the bad economy with the ads during the basketball games. Hugh Jackman is playing Wolverine in a Wolverine movie. It's coming out May 2. These facts are seared into my brain. May 2, May 2, May 2. Wolverine. OK, got it.

>> Luke had a rough go at the start of it with the sports gambling. He played lots of parlays and lost the first games in them right away. Then he made wrong choices in betting the points or the money line. But luckily he rebounded Friday night, with a rare-for-him three for three sweep in NCAA games. That's him showing off his three tickets while slightly inebriated at the Luxor. Good job, dukey.

>> For the first year in six or seven that we have all been going to Vegas, I chose to leave Sunday morning, avoiding the dreaded Black Sunday. This is because, as is tradition, we normally kick ass in the gambling Saturday night and then get cleaned up all day Sunday as we wait for our late-night flights. Vegas does this on purpose, I know it. They bring in the tough dealers, the dice that feel like lumps of coal, and no one is drinking so everyone is in a bad mood. We all know we have to go home, and it sucks. So I left at 10 a.m., and it was fantastic. I won't forget this sure-fire move.

>> Sabertooth! Gambit! Blob! Deadpool! Wolverine! It's Wolverine, the movie, coming May 2! Mark your calendars!

Vegas Observations, Pt 1

OK, so it's going to be hard to properly recap my entire trip to Vegas, but I need to at least share some random thoughts and experiences that were had. I know this is going to take a bit of space (I'm a long talker and get a bit winded) so be prepared. Here's a brief rundown of the major players in last week's epic trip:

Me: You know me. Avid gambler. Lover of life. Vodka and tonic cravings.
Luke: Former roommate. Broke. Likes small boys. Ok, scratch the small boys part. Cool guy. That much is true. Also, terrible fantasy football player.
Sean: Loves poker more than life itself. Scary, but true. Married. Is 145 years old. That fact is in question. He just acts that old sometimes.
Matt: Barely know him, but only as the assface from my fantasy football league that we all like to pick on who we love to hate. Works for UBS. Is a Republican. I think that pretty much tells you all you need to know.
Caesar's Palace: Where we crashed for the weekend and site of most of my sports gambling.
Wolverine: Yeah, the Hugh Jackman character. There's a Wolverine movie coming out, did you know that? You will by the end of these posts. They sure slammed the point home hard.

And now, onto the random thoughts and observations from my trip:

>> In the bathrooms at the Paris Hotel and Casino (a great spot for sports gambling and watching, though Dan hates it for some unknown reason), they have French lessons piped through the intercom. Only it's not typical lessons like, "Hello" "What time is it?" and stuff like that. No, the lessons they pipe in are more for the discerning French student. "Is that an eclair in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" "Shit, where did I misplace my wedding ring?" "Your dress is lovely. It would look lovelier on my hotel room floor." This is the kind of stuff they were teaching us. Don't say the casinos don't give you every tool at your disposal to try to get laid.

>> Actually, if you are looking to get some action, it's best to be a woman in Vegas during March Madness than a dude. Holy crap, there were like 2,000 men for every one woman in Vegas. It was bad. Normally you walk around Vegas each night and you cannot help but notice all the women dressed to the hilt hoping they will get let into the trendy clubs and dance halls I would not be caught dead in. But during March Madness, we all remarked that the normally super hot women must have stayed in LA, because they weren't there. It was a bummer from a pure Whore Watch 2009 viewpoint.

>> Speaking of hot women, we did have a celebrity sighting. And no, while we did see former UK star and father of 900 babies Antoine Walker kicking it in Caesar's, that is not who I am talking about. And I have to admit, had it not been for the wife constantly watching this crap show, I would have never been able to pick Holly Madison (of Girls Next Door fame) out of the crowd at a burger restaurant. She was remarkably shorter than I thought she was (shorter than me) but I cannot deny that she was pretty hot. Even for an ex of Heff who ditched him for the Cris Angel jackass.

>> Fellas, trust me, you are not impressing anyone with the half-undone silk shirt rolling craps with one hand and dangling a cigar in the other. Especially when you sound like you are a high school dropout from Indiana. I don't care if you cashed in all your savings so it looks like you have millions in chips in front of you. You are not cool. I repeat, you are not cool. Furthermore, one way to piss off everyone and ensure that you won't make money is to be a gargantuan dick and try to dictate play at the craps table. This asshole yelled at the people he didn't want to have the dice and then accosted the drink lady and cursed out two older guys for rolling 7s. This kept up for about 25 minutes until everyone kept passing him the dice and betting the Don't Pass line. Worked like a charm. I was only watching this happen, but it looked like fun.

Vegas or Bust

Making my way westbound today. Heading out to that oasis in the desert. The place where dreams and bank accounts are grown and shattered (hopefully the former for me).

That's right baby, I am headed to Vegas. That wonderland where all my gambling desires are fulfilled. A smaller crew is headed there than in year's past, but we'll somehow survive. Normally this trip is done over MLK weekend with all my buddies from fantasy football, but because of the inauguration of the savior, prices were too expensive to leave DC that weekend.

So we pushed the date back to coincide with the opening of the NCAA Tournament. Sure, I did think I would be getting to see UK play instead of having to watch them in the fucking NIT last night, but whatever. I will get my kicks rolling 6s and 8s at the craps tables, sprinkling in the occasional 9 (neuf!) in honor of Kelly and our epic roll in Montreal with Fat Tony.

It's always funny talking to friends about Vegas, because it always comes down to two camps. 1) My guy friends who are pissed at me for going and watching college hoops from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. without a break at the sportsbooks; and 2) The female friends who wonder where I am eating and whether I will see the sun or hang out at the pool. Ummm, no pool (there is plenty of gambling to be done), no sun (who goes outside in Vegas when there is NONSTOP tournament hoops on (which includes more gambling), and as far as the eating goes we will have our ceremonial high-end meal (big bloated dinner at Del Frisco's) while checking scores and heading back down to Old Vegas and the Hard Rock for more ... well ... gambling. You get the picture.

So if you need me, you know where I will be. Here or here. Nowhere else.