Double Dose of Fantasy Awesomeness

I could not have asked for 2008 to end any better. OK, well, there are a few things I would like to not have happened, but I'm not going to get into them here, other than to say I wish I had not busted my tooth trying to be cool with the guys and I wish are particular person had not entered my life. But it happened, and whatever happens will be.

But what has made the close of 2008 so kick ass is my winning not one, but BOTH of my fantasy football leagues. For those who don't play FFL, this doesn't mean a thing to you, but suck it, because I'm stoked. For fantasy football players, you know how difficult it is just to make the playoffs sometimes, let alone be champ. I friggin won two leagues in one year. Yes, I am now a badass.

Winning my office league was not nearly as hard. About a fourth of the owners have little interest in football and had the common sense of a doorknob when it came to drafting and running a fantasy team. I really only had about 5 real competitors, and only two of them really had standout teams capable of giving me a real fight. One of them was my pal Kristin, who fought valiantly but I pulled off the miracle 2-point victory in the semis, which pretty much assured me the title, since Talitha's team had decent players but not nearly the firepower to handle my juggernaut squad. Thanks to all the NFL players who made Sex Panther the winning squad with a 12-3 record.

Winning the Mud, Sweat and Tears League, however, was nothing short of thrilling. You see, this is the league my friends Dan, Luke and I founded about 6 years ago. Over time, we've had many of our friends join in. We now have friends from Cincinnati, Florida, Kentucky, and DC all vying to be champ. And trust me, this is a seriously friggin league. We all know each other, so the shit talkin is at fever pitch for roughly 20 weeks straight. Nothing is off limits (my dog, being married, dainty hands and general lifestyle are all under constant bombardment). Making things worse, for the last several years I have been the league whipping boy. After one decent season, I was getting shellacked repeatedly. Getting four wins was my ceiling, and everyone treated me like the Division II school visiting a powerhouse.

I love this league. You need to wrap your head around the idea that for four years, I have written a weekly column in our league. Recapping the past week's games and using movie quotes and trashy humor to spur trash talk and general enjoyment. I went so far as to create a blog just for the league (sorry, folks, it's a private blog so you can't read it ... and neither can anyone's significant others or bosses). But I have always been creating the humor and also being the source of it, because of my general suckiness. But no longer.

I named my team Tremendous Upside, thinking it would get a chuckle from friends since I'm always the cellar dweller. But I followed through, having a solid draft and just week by week chalking up victories. Before I knew it, fellow owners were ranking me among the top teams in the league and I was sure they just teasing me. Then, the playoffs came and I had made it. Everything was icing on the cake, until I made the finals and then won a dramatic final game when I made a major roster change that everyone questioned but actually succeeded. And suddenly, I was king. The Big Cheese. Numero Uno Honcho.

So I won a nice wad of cash and for the next 330 days or so I am the badass of not one but two fantasy football leagues. Suck it, everyone. I rule.