A Snow/Ice Rebuttal, If You Please

For those outside the DC area, you need to know that our fair leader of the free world caused a bit of stir when he announced yesterday that DC, as Kelly put it, full of snow pansies. This is because the entire city and region halted to a standstill when a wimpy amount of snow fell, followed by some icy stuff that ruined all the potential sledding/snowball fun we could have had.

Now, I'm down with Obama, and being a Bears fan, I have no problem with him pointing out how strong-willed the Chicagoans are in dealing with harsh weather. I'm not denying that, but if I may, I am going to point out a few things to Kelly that he may want to consider.

1) Chicago gets about 9,000,000,000,000 inches of snow and ice per year, which means they are used to seeing it every damn day. DC gets like one foot TOTAL in a winter season, and before Inauguration Day, a good chunk of those residents were stupid Texans and other like-minded fools who probably thought the snow was the Roland Emmerich prophecy fulfilled.

2) Since Chicago sees nearly 5 million percent more snow than we do, and have since the dawn of time, it's no surprise that they have built up quite the infrastructure to deal with such matters. Let's compare this to DC, which can't even manage its own budget or put together even a meaningful school system. You think they can seriously organize more than 5 snow plows? Please.

3) I'm no rocket scientist (even though Kelly thinks of me as a pseudo-deity). But I have to think that once you get X amount of ice on the road, sidewalks, etc., everything becomes impassable. Chicago is all strong because they don't close even if a foot or more of snow falls? Well la de frickin da. When ice coats surfaces, nothing can grip or walk/drive/ride on it. Why? Because it's ice. Maybe DC residents are just smart enough not to bother driving on roads that aren't safe driving on. OK, that does imply wisdom in DC people, and that probably isn't right, either.

4) DC residents are complete morons, and can't trusted to brave the weather if they could. Yesterday, during the peak of sidewalk inaccessibility, I did my best not to slip a disc taking my dog for a walk. What did I see but not one, but two women poorly handling the ice while texting on their cell phones. So we close the city down to (in some effort) keep the stupid people from hurting themselves and others. But Chicago people can't be called too smart either, they did elect this moron to two terms.

So in the final verdict, I say it's a wash. Yeah, Chicago gets a ton of crappy weather. But just because the schools don't always close don't make them He Man in waiting. DC doesn't get a pass, however. They cannot be properly defended because Congress won't give us statehood, and when we just kicked out a president who took more than 900 days of vacation while in office, snow or rain or sunshine. When in doubt, remember ... we'll all idiots.