The Committee Will Come to Order

I didn't get to raise my hand and swear on a bible. I didn't get to consult an attorney and do that cool thing where you cover up the mic with your hand when consulting a lawyer. I didn't get to be like Alberto Gonzalez and repeat the phrase "I don't recall ..." 768 times in one hearing. I didn't get to be a Code Pinker and scream bloody murder and act the fool in front of people just so I could get on TV. I didn't get to bring out someone's brother and be cleared for running a mob family. I didn't get to have a scene with Gary Shandling and Robert Downey, Jr. in which I proclaim to have brought peace to the world.

Nope, I didn't get to do any of those things.

But I did get to attend my first Senate hearing on Capitol Hill last week, and it was pretty cool. I won't go into all the details, but one of our project partners was testifying before a subcommittee and I got to go and play the role of Jimmy Olsen, intrepid photographer.

The hearing was cool, I got to roam around freely in the photog's well and take whatever pics I wanted to, and got to listen to a bunch of senators act like they know what's best for the world. Some of them had interesting points to make, while others got a little too high and mighty over the effects of a bill on one small hardware store in a remote town (yeah, I'm talking to you Sen. Murkowski; you're OK for all I know, but no one gives a damn about how the general store in Ketchikan, Alaska -- population 7,368 -- is going to handle Home Star energy replacements).

Anyway, I digress. Stacey (photo), the one who I was primarily there to photograph, kicked ass. She answered some tough questions and stood out far and above compared to the 5 other white guys who all said stuff that more closely resembled Charlie Brown's teacher.

The other big takeaway I got from the event was checking out the little intricacies. Like, for instance, there is a person whose sole job is to place and take away the placards for the senators when they enter and exit chambers. You know, because why would taxpayers ever want to know who bailed on the meetings we pay them to attend? Best of all, they keep all the placards in this tray, and when I glanced over, there was one name I couldn't help noticing:


That's right, our favorite dickhead, asswipe, society-hating, dementia-filled jackass senator from my home state of Kentucky. If you haven't been paying attention lately, Bunning has been quite an asshole lately, and making it his personal mission to fuck over every citizen in the nation. So it was doubly shameful for him not to show up. 1) Because I have a blog and can rant about his inability to make a 10 a.m. meeting; and 2) Stacey is from Kentucky and works in Morehead, Ky., on behalf of citizens nationally and locally on housing issues. She's from your home state dickweed, at least have the common courtesy to show up and thank a constituent who's testifying. That bear claw got you a little choked up that morning? What an asshole. (p.s., Stacey in no way endorses or knows about my feelings on Bunning, so she's exempt from anything I say about him; still doesn't change the fact that I loathe him.)

Anyway, way to kick some ass, Stacey, and I look forward to going back to the Hill someday to photograph more hearings. That is, unless Bunning sees this and has me detained.