My Cooking Space V

So now the kitchen is beginning to quickly resemble the scene in ET when the feds took over Eliot's house. Luckily when I walked in there was no one in the biohazard suits to greet me. So no X-Files moment for me.

We had to get the kitchen floor refinished because there was a problem with the floor where some of the old cabinets and fridge were located. So that put us behind a tad, but it allowed our contractor to put up the pseudo-hazmat plastic walls and make the kitchen more or less out of commission for a day or so.

All of this is in bigger preparation for Saturday when the new fridge and washer and dryer show up for installation. Nothing like getting rid of old, outdated models and bringing in some new, energy-efficient ones that give me happiness in my heart where the eco part of me lives.

Friday Funnies XXIII

Tomorrow night I am going to see Jerry Seinfeld live at the Kennedy Center. Looking forward to it. It will be the third time I have seen him live and he never fails to deliver. So in honor of going to see him in person, here are a couple clips of funny jokes of his that I like.

My Cooking Space IV

Just like the Grinch's heart, the hole in our wall has grown three sizes today. Ok, maybe not, but it sounded funny.

So now the hole itself has been created, and we can just shut everything down and start celebrating.

Damn, don't think I'm getting away with that one.

OK, so we still have a long way to go. But it's amazing what a difference that hole is creating. I was worried that when we were originally sketching things out, it just didn't seem like the opening was going to make a visual difference or that it would end up being more of a distraction. Happily it's not like that at all. I can sit on my couch and see all the way into the dining room and almost beyond that, which is pretty cool. It doesn't tie the whole room together like say, The Dude's Asian rug, but it's got potential.

My Childhood, Bastardized

So before I rant about the latest film incarnation to ruin a piece of my childhood, let me celebrate that one film from my younger days remains intact. Seems cooler heads have prevailed and that Zac Efron has pulled out of the Footloose remake. For the time being, one of the best movie montages ever is safe from bastardization.

That elation aside, it's back to railing against Hollywood's inability to let good things be as they are. As anyone who has watched the Olympics now knows, another bastion of 80s horror is being remade. This time, it's Freddy Krueger. Seems Robert Englund's seminal work was not sufficient enough, and now they have to remove him from the franchise and start anew, and this means a whole new Nightmare on Elm Street movie.


A Nightmare on Elm Street Trailer 2 in HD

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

Man I'm pissed. It's bad enough that they are making the film almost a shot-for-shot remake of the original. Trying to take an 80s sensibility and make it relevant 25 years later is just a tad stupid. Plus, no one is going to beat Johnny Depp in one of his first roles ever. I mean, that bed scene is still one of the freakiest things I have ever seen and no kidding scared the crap out of me for days when I first saw it.



Although I must saw it'd be hilarious if they remade that scene but kept Depp's character watching TV in 2010 on one of those 12-inch, 50-lb tube sets. That'd be sweet.

Anyway, I'm just pissed. Elm Street had all the bad acting and teenage nudity and creepy gore that only the 80s could properly provide. This new film will end up making lots of money, like the worthless, piece of shit Halloween and Friday the 13th remakes did, and they'll just move on to destroy something else. I'm just waiting for Jaws to be remade or something else classic like that. What a waste.

My Cooking Space III

Break on through to the other side.

Came home to the beginnings of the hole. This isn't the hole in its entirety, there is still more of it to make (it will probably double in length). Above is the view from the TV room. To the right is the view from the kitchen. Things got a little more complicated when one of the ventilation sections was discovered to be running right through where we wanted the hole to go. So we have a slight delay as we bring back the HVAC people to do some quick surgery on the vent and move where it runs. Oh well, it's all part of the experience.

At the very least, I am looking forward to firing up the grill for the third night in a row to cook dinner. That is a much better alternative for dinner than burritos form California Tortilla, which was our staple the last time we went through a kitchen remodel.

Boom Goes the Dynamite, 2.0

For all you sports fans out there, no one may ever top the famous Boom Goes the Dynamite guy. If you've never seen it, shame on you, and go watch it now. Anyway, this guy doesn't top Boom, but he comes awfully close.

My Cooking Space II

The carnage in the kitchen continues. Tonight I came home to find my oven removed and a hole on the other side of the wall. Nothing too crazy, but it's fun to see a huge hole where my bookshelf once sat (the bookshelf frame is still there because we're getting it cut down in half and rebuilt to fit under the wall so we can recycle the product and not have to buy a whole new bookshelf.

The most interesting aspect to come of today's developments was that a funny thing happened when looking at the new hole. You see, the TV room in the house was an addition, something one of the previous owners did about 15 years ago or so. I know two things about construction, Jack and Shit. So I kinda giggled when I saw that the old exterior to the house is still there. Don't know why that makes me laugh, but for some reason I figured they would strip the exterior tiles and insulate or put something else up or do something, anything. Just weird, is all. Hopefully they didn't trap anything like a possum or something when putting up the new wall. Now that I wouldn't be laughing about.

Game On: Week of Feb. 11

My column from two weeks ago. I reviewed BioShock 2 and Fast Food Panic.

My Cooking Space

What the ?*$%^!?&?

OK, relax. I wasn't robbed. Although when I first walked into my kitchen and saw the microwave and cabinets gone, I wondered if that is what it would look like.

Alas, we are remodeling the kitchen. And the process began this morning.

We saw this coming, but not this fast. We thought it would start around late March or early April, but last week our contractor said the job in front of ours got bumped and we were now first in line. This sent the wife into a torrent of stress I had not seen since the last time we did this when we remodeled the kitchen in our old condo three or so years ago. It was crazy stress then and since this is the first house, well, don't get me started. It's not possible to quantify.

Luckily, we're not going whole hog like we did last time. With this remodel, we're just attempting to open things up a little more. We're knocking a hole in the wall (the beginnings of which are in the photo above), getting a new fridge moving some cabinets around to make way for a pot rack to create more open space. This project is really about getting things the way the wife wants them so she won't murder me because nothing fits in our tiny-ass fridge. If I can accomplish that task, I think I'll be happy. And at least I won't have to sleep with a machete under my pillow.

I'll post more updates as this process goes along. We'll be in this dusty, tool-ridden hell for about a month. That gives me plenty of time to accidentally get my finger crushed by a hammer or lick some asbestos.

Idiot of the Day XII

I've had a hard go of it lately with my laptop. I've been overworking it and I blew out the hard drive. No big deal, just take it into the Apple store and get it replaced. Well, if only it had been that uneventful. After getting the new hard drive, I sat there for a little bit longer to reinstall some software and make sure I didn't run into any problems with licensing and all that usual computer crap. That is when the fun started.

First, the guy on the left showed up with a Mac laptop circa 1998. Damn it was old. Anyway, he was having troubles with his battery, Internet and processing. So the same Apple Genius who is helping me fires up the guy's laptop and starts going through some basic questions. Turns out the guy is ice and open about, "Well, I'm really having trouble running Limewire and getting movies and music off the Internet."

Let me just say, that is not the way to open the conversation. I'm not going to get into the morality/legality of stealing music off the Interwebs. I do it all the time, and I'm fine with it. But it's the way you go about it that is bad.

Simply put (and the Apple guy gave him the near death stare when saying it), "Limewire is the worst possible thing you could do to your computer. You need to get that off there, now." And he's not saying that just as an Apple employee. I used to use Limewire, until I read more on it and found out how it completely fucks your machine to all hell.

As the Apple guy was helping him, up sidles the girl on the right. And wouldn't you know it, she's having trouble using the Internet and her computer crashing all the time. Apple guy fires up her laptop, and before he even gets into his "Have you tried turning it on?" speech, Limewire automatically logs in and starts trying to download the some Rascal Flats album. "You see? It's just sitting there not doing anything. I can't get it to download anything."

I thought the Apple guy was going to gouge out his eyes with a USB cord. He stopped both of them and said, "Look, I get it, and trust me, I get some of my music on the sly as well. But you can't keep doing this. Limewire, the way it's built, will destroy your machine and you'll be in tech support hell for years if something bad happens." A little dramatic, yes, but the point needed to be made.

He even gave them some helpful tips on how to better steal music off the web (hint, it starts and ends with the word torrent). What a nice guy.

So the lesson of the day: Come up with better excuses to get techies to fix things, people. Moments like this are funny, but when it's you, you won't like it when strangers are right next to you and pay attention. And have a blog to make fun of you about your idiocy.