My Cage Match

I have a bone to pick with Nic Cage. When I went to see the new Harry Potter movie, we saw a trailer for Season of the Witch, the new Nic Cage movie that looks about as awful as can be (he snarls, he speaks in terrible fake accents, he snarls and screams, etc.). When the '90s ended, things were looking bleak for Cage. He had released Snake Eyes and 8MM, two movies that made 1999 a laugher in terms of quality. So maybe we should have realized that he'd completely lost his mind and thus his stature with filmgoers. But, no, Hollywood kept giving this guy roles. If you need a real refresher, here's a 2-minute recap of his greatest moments in Snake Eyes, probably among the top 10 worst movies ever made. Ever ever ever ever ever.



And instead of committing to washing the stink of those two crap films from his clothes, he just went out and gave us a decade of shit. I mean it ... a whole decade of shit. In 10 years, starting in 2000-2010, he made exactly one movie that is worth remembering. When you see this list, I think you'll be able to point it out (I'll give you a hint, it starts with an 'A,' ends with an 'N' and is filled in the middle with 'daptio'):

2000: Gone in 60 Seconds The Family Man 2001: Captain Corelli's Mandolin Christmas Carol: The Movie 2002: Windtalkers Sonny Adaptation 2003: Matchstick Men 2004: National Treasure 2005: The Weather Man Lord of War

2006: The Ant Bully World Trade Center The Wicker Man 2007: Ghost Rider Next National Treasure: Book of Secrets 2008: Bangkok Dangerous 2009: Knowing G-Force Astro Boy The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans 2010: The Sorcerer's Apprentice Season of the Witch Kick-Ass

How about that? Seriously, beyond Adaptation, which was great, there was nothing of substance at all. Kick-Ass was a fun flick, but he only played a supporting role. Otherwise, he's more remembered for all the shit he did in these movies throughout the last decade, none more celebrated than the colossal failure that was the Wicker Man remake (which was so throttled by critics and audiences that a whole slew of spoof clips have shown up on YouTube).



The wife did want to point out that we both love Cage in Raising Arizona, a fine comedic film if there ever was one. But that was a long time ago ('87 to be exact), and he should have just left it at that movie.