Idiot of the Day

A short but brief Idiot of the Day mention. I understand ... you’re young, you’re in love ... or, perhaps you are older and yet young in love ... I don’t care. Do what you want in the privacy of your home. Don’t come onto the train a 8 in the morning and proceed to re-enact the most famous PDA scene of all time three feet from me. And also stop forcing your lady friend to do things in public she’s not really up for, like massive groping and makeout sessions. When she’s pulling away, you smashing your face into hers is doing none of us any favors. You’re not that sly, and you’re not that cool. No one is. You’re just an idiot. 

My Pet Peeve

While I love living in Takoma Park, there is one aspect to Maryland life that I just cannot get over. It's the incessant need for everyone to back into parking spaces. This ludicrous practice is based on the notion that by backing into the space, you can depart faster from the hell that is the Whole Foods parking lot. Of course, this holds the same logic structure as the movie "Speed." It takes these fools nearly three times as long to navigate the reverse-parking act as it would to just back out of the space in the first place. In reality this practice is a time loser, but these jagoffs don't know any better so they create more traffic and waste more time. Drives me nuts. I hate it. What a bunch of idiots.

Friday Funnies

Because idiots on DC trains abound. And drunkenness with the aid of friends equals hilarity.

Idiot of the Day

I love local news when it goes bad. This Chicago news station apparently watched this damn bridge for about 15 minutes waiting for it to implode but then cut away when it actually happened. Good times. Also I'm sure the advertisers loved one of the anchors joking that the situation was "a metaphor for this show: another crash and burn."

Idiot of the Day X

It's Snowpocalypse here in DC, and now that the power is restored, it means that with no leaving of the house possible, a lot of movies and TV are being watched. And I'm sorry, but no one, NO ONE, ever needs all-you-can-eat pancakes. Ever.

Idiot of the Day IX

My morning commute on the Metro has become a wasteland of ineptitude this week. The other day it was idiot lady making her kid be amongst society while carrying the plague. Today, it's creepy sex fiend teens.

These two girls got on the train and started conversing about how girl on the left has a major crush on Mr. Cameron. At first I ignored it and thought about what it would be like for a high schooler to be in love with Ferris Bueller's best friend. As I quickly laughed and tried to get back into the book I am reading, she continues to delve into the details. Like how she stole his cell phone number from his phone bill that was on his desk. How she sent him text messages anonymously just to make sure it worked. how she found out his favorite color ("earth tones, he loves earth tones"). These two girls went on about his divorce last year and how his ex-wife was "so totally mean and a bitch" at school functions. Crush girl went on to ask "How am I supposed to find cute outfits in earth tones to wear for him to class?" and "If I do that often enough, you think he'll figure out it was me who was text messaging him?" I'm glad I got off the train before they started talking about where he lived or if she was going to kill him in his sleep in a jealous rage.

Fucking creepy, man. I thought I was in an SVU episode. Of course, if that means Mariska is showing up, fine my me.

Idiot of the Day VIII

If it was earlier in the morning and I was feeling pissy enough, I would have taken a full photo to show this girl's idiot mother. But they were moving fast and I was still getting motivated for my day of work and couldn't snap a full photo of this duo.

I have zero, none whatsoever, respect for people who trudge their sick children into public spaces and have them hacking all over the place and threatening to get me sick. Pisses me off. It's one thing if you are an adult and are sick; you can make the conscious decision to spare your fellow man the potential of picking up whatever the hell is ailing you. But when your kid is sick? They haven't quite developed rational thought yet, so you've got to be wise and help them out.

First step, KEEP THEM THE FUCK HOME IF THEY ARE SICK. Luckily, I have the immune system of a mother of 12. I get sick once, maybe twice a year tops. And if I do come down with something, I put so many vitamins into me to make a CDC tech proud. Second, I never go to work and potentially infect others, especially when it involves riding mass transit.

This poor girl was hacking and wheezing and all mommy could care about was shoving that PopTart down her throat (eating is illegal on the trains, no less) and making sure Little Miss Wheezy wasn't falling too far behind on the educational video game she was forced to play. Nevermind that the game was clearly about 4 years too advanced for her, because she had no idea what the hell she was doing. This mom was an idiot, pure and simple.

Idiot of the Day VII

To the person, or persons, who work at the SunTrust Bank branch on Georgia Avenue up near my house. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that replacing that lightbulb might just be a good idea if you are hoping to retain customers and not give off the impression that you are a shady financial institution.

Idiot of the Day IV

So when I was traveling back to DC from Miami a couple weeks' back, we arrived at Miami International Airport, also known as useless place to travel from. The airport is obviously much easier to travel from than say, Fort Lauderdale, but that is not saying much. Today's Idiot of the Day lesson is directed at not one, but actually all of these morons in the check-in line.

You see, when we showed up, there were 5 working kiosks, no one at them, and no United employees working behind the counter. So we stood at the back of the line for about two minutes and then realized, unlike the other 30 people in line, that reps from United weren't coming to the counter. Not that hour. Not that day. Probably not ever.

So instead of just waiting for the slow moment of death to arrive, I said fuck all and told the wife to walk around the group and just walk up to the kiosk and get our boarding passes. Everyone stared in awe as she did just that. And after two minutes she came back, we picked up our bags and walked away. In true classy idiot style, everyone didn't move and take our lead. They just kept on standing still. I'm glad none of those idiots was my pilot.

Feel Like Some Meth? Hmm ... Maybe Not

When I was in Denver visiting Chelsea, we were walking back from dinner when I looked up and noticed this billboard. Living in DC spares me from seeing billboards all over the place, but this one really stood out.

Now, I am very aware that Kentucky (and many other states, for that matter) are dealing with a meth problem. I was not aware that Denver and the greater state of Colorado was fighting it as well. But I do have to say, giving people the impression that meth will make you get your freak on in a port-o-pottie or perhaps the dingiest truck stop bathroom ever was pretty good to me. Yes, that is a nasty-ass bathroom meth will make you want to have sex in (well, at least according to this billboard).

Not Forgetting About DC (cont.)

I guess I should rename this post series "Screwed in DC" or something along those lines. I may be technically moving to Maryland, but my love for DC does end even if my new house is three blocks from the district line. One thing I will be gaining, however, is adequate representation. Well, adequate may be saying a lot until I get to know the local laws and such, but it's probably at any point going to be better than the crap treatment I've gotten in DC. And making matters worse, it now looks like DC is screwed for the foreseeable future thanks to those "patriots" in the gun lobby. After yet another shooting in DC (this time it got more play nationwide because it was at the Holocaust museum and not just a teenager that the media senselessly ignores), you'd think we'd start addressing the gun problem. Oh, who am I kidding?

Just In Case You Thought They Left

Those racist, idiot moronic, jackass fuckwads who think they know what's best for the Republican Party are back. Yeah, some of same fools who think everything with the GOP is just fine as long as they keep up with the racist, we're better than everyone else, white-and-rich only mantras they keep espousing. Now, I hate for that to sound like an angry rant. I know a lot of registered Republicans who are very smart people, and have solid ideas on where this country and world should go, even if they are opinion I disagree with. At least they make sense.

But this shit is just just ridiculous. I mean, get a fucking life, pal. This jackass named Paul Shanklin (who came up with the Bomb Iran song, which is not offensive, just merely stupid) came up with a song called "Barack the Magic Negro." Bad as that sounds, it actually sounds a lot worse. Someone impersonates Al Sharpton, who then sings about whether Barack is legitimately black or not. Rush Limbaugh defended it, but of course we should never trust a drug addict's opinion unless it's his. Worse than the song actually being made, but now it got more legitimacy from a pure dumbass by the name of Chip.

You see, Chip Saltsman wants to be chairman of the RNC. Well la dee frickin da for him. Too bad he's a total fuckup for using the song as part of his campaign to be chairman. Some are calling it satire, but I know that this isn't any friggin satire. Herb Block knew satire. Saltsman, to quote a favorite movie of mine, isn't leading but two things right now, jack and shit, and jack left town. The YouTube of the song is below. Shame on them. Shame.

Yes, maybe I am sounding a little off my rocker, but shit like this just pisses me off and doesn't do anyone any good. But go ahead GOPers, put good ol Chip in charge. Sure he'll make everything better.

What I've Watched: Even Money

I cannot help the fact that I love to gamble. I just do. It's part of who I am. Am I clearing out the family bank account and leveraging it all on some DIII school that may or may not have 24+ rebounds in a game? No. I just like the action.

So I like throwing a few bucks here and there on games so that they are interesting to watch and I have a stake in them. Of course, "a few bucks here and there on games" tests the boundaries for some people, since my limits are different than yours. It's my money, so screw you all and get over it. I'll be fine. I don't need an intervention anytime soon.

I bring all this up because when I see movies and shows about gambling, or movies with interesting ensemble casts, I'll check them out. This lead me to Even Money. It had both gambling and a bunch of actors that may not be my favorites but can get the job done (most of the time).

Even Money just sucked, though. Let's be quick and honest. The characters were about as stereotypical as you can imagine, which would be fine except the people playing them just didn't fit. Forest Whitaker wins an Oscar for playing a cruel dictator, but isn't right as the doomed brother of a budding basketball star. Kelsey Grammer and Tim Roth are the only two who even remotely make sense, while Jay Mohr could not have died fast enough and Kim Basinger is just way to mannequin-like to be believed as a gambling addict with no real basis for gambling in the first place. Seeing Danny DeVito go all Red Brooks on us toward the end of the film was cool, although we could all see it coming.

This movie was unlike any gambling experience, because here, you saw everything coming. If gambling were like that, I'd be spending my days rolling around half-naked on a bed of money like Demi Moore. Lastly, seems like 5 guys sat in a room and just pulled a gambling term out of nowhere for the title of the film, because nothing in this movie resembles even money. Just stupid all around.

Dark Cloud of Shame

There are times when my friend Kelly bags on me for being from Kentucky. Most of the time he's just a petty child who hates that his Cincinnati Bearcats suck. Plus, all Cincinnati residents are weaned to believe that Kentucky is the seventh circle of hell (for Kentuckians, its Indiana).

But today is just another one of those signs that my week is destined to be terrible (and it's Thursday already ... this week just won't let up on me). I went to UK and still have some of my best friends from there. I love UK basketball and will argue to death about how Wayne Turner was one of the best players in team history even if the numbers don't show it.

Anyway, despite that, there is no doubt that my state has its flaws. They vote Republican despite everything they believe in saying they should vote Democrat. They could be highly investing in green technology and become a midwest/southeast center for green jobs, but they won't because they're fools. Our governors love to sleep with staffmembers and hand our tons of government contracts to their hunting/drinking pals. There are others, but I'm starting to get sad.

Making me more sad is events like this. It stains the university, the students and staff, and whether they truly acknowledge it or not, it stains people like me, who went there and have always thought the school could be taken seriously. I have a hard enough time talking to my coworkers (who all went to Ivy League schools or somewhere much fancier than me) and friends who went to other SEC or high-minded schools. It's a sad day for UK and alums like myself. And this is not the first time crap like this has happened, and I'm getting sick of it.