Sub in The Cambler

So back in Kentucky for the holidays, the wife and I hit up a gym down the road. The Paducah Athletic Center has good stuff: full gym, tons of TVs, a pool, a basketball court, some raquetball courts, batting cages, sauna and all that crap. Plus, it has my favorite feature ... no clients. Yeah, it's probably bad for business, but I love that when I am there, at most there are like 10-15 other people there. So no lines, no weird looks (I'm not exactly gym/weightlifting material), just some peace and quiet while I get healthy.

Being from Kentucky and not having played or shot a basketball in at least 2 years is mildly depressing. My only (weak) defense is that basketball courts are hard to find in DC, especially if you are not planning on hustling people or overcompensating for a lack of life by beating me to a bloody pulp. I just enjoy some casual sports without all the massive competition that takes the fun out of it.

So after working out, I decided to shoot a little to see how deteriorated my hoops skills had gotten. And much to my own surprise, I was rocking that court. Kelly would probably make claims that the basket was only 8 feet high, but it was regulation, so suck it. I was kicking arse. I couldn't miss. For the next 30 minutes I was just hitting from everywhere on the floor.

I decided to shoot some free throws to start, because that used to be my one strong suit. I missed my first free throw, but then
hit my next three. I thought I'd be goofy and see how long it would take me to miss 5. Just five. I thought if I made it to 15 I'd be proud of myself. The final result: 36. Took me 36 attempts to just miss five. That's 86%. Good lord, they are not that hard. It's just finding a flow like in Pop-a-Shot.

Here's a quick rundown of the worst free throw shooters in the NBA, and their salary for this year:
Kendrick Perkins (BOS): .557 -- $4.6 million
Dwight Howard (ORL): .570 -- $13.8 million
Emeka Okafor (CHA): .574 -- $9.5 million
Andris Biedrins (GSW): .586 -- $9 million
Shaquille O'Neal (PHX): .589 -- $21 million
Lamar Odom (LAL): .597 -- $14.2 million
Kenyon Martin (DEN): .605 -- $14.4 million

I give up. Get me a uniform and sub me in for the technical fouls or even get me some playing time. There are plenty of jackasses in the NBA who play no defense and still get paid. I'm ready and waiting for that phone call. The Wizards sure could use the help.