Only One Macchio

1984. Not the 1984 or George Orwell. No, this was the 1984 of this movies for me. There were several movies that year I remember distinctly remember seeing. Don't know why it was that year, but for some reason the age of 7 was when I started committed movies to memory, and it was the year that sowed the seeds for my pal Kelly forever bashing me for knowing too many lines from too many movies.

Splash, Amadeus, Ghostbusters, Revenge of the Nerds, Footloose, Romancing the Stone, Police Academy, Sixteen Candles, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Breakin, Firestarter, The Natural, Gremlins, Top Secret!, Cannonball Run II, Gods Must be Crazy, Muppets Take Manhattan, The Last Starfighter, Purple Rain, Cloak & Dagger, Red Dawn, Body Double, Terminator, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Oh God You Devil, Beverly Hills Cop, Breakin' 2, Dune, Protocol, The Karate Kid.

Good effin lord, that is a murderer's row of hits. Do we EVER have years like that anymore? I'd say no. Not even remotely close.

What's sad about the state of the film industry is it's glaring lack of originality. Look back at that list. A new Terminator movie is being made. They're remaking Footloose to appeal to the High School Musical losers. Harrison Ford donned the hat and it wasn't what I thought it would be. A fourth Ghostbusters is being talked scripted. And now the word is out that they are remaking The Karate Kid. With Will Smith's kid.

I give up. Will Smith's kid is going to be the new Ralph Macchio? I am offended to the core.

Who can forget Daniel LaRusso taking down the Cobra Kai? A young Elisabeth Shue becoming one of the worst girlfriends ever? 5 teen karate dudes getting whipped by 3-foot-tall Mr. Myagi? Sensei Krease? You're the Best? Sweep the leg!? Put him in a bodybag!? Classic moments. Some movies are just too good in their original state to even consider remaking. Macchio was a once-in-a-lifetime loser-turned-hero, and there is no way he should ever be forced into the background while Will Smith's kid becomes the hero. Plus, no one will ever, EVER replace the great Billy Zabka. Don't even try this argument with me. I get violent in my defense of Zabka as the most under-appreciated actors of his generation.

This remake is dead to me. It has no chance of ever being seen by these eyes. Sure, it's not meant for my eyes, but it should be avoided like syphilis, bean sprouts, Tara Reid and ingrown toenails. These are not opinions, but facts of life.