It's Alive! It's Aliiiiiiiiive!

I originally meant to make a bad LL Cool J reference for this post, but I don't want to be mean to Kelly in celebrating his return to blogging. Plus, he already did it himself. He had an understandable reason to call it quits at the end of 2010, but luckily he's blessed us with his return. And he's even done it in style, with his first post back being about his attempts to resemble a Mexican porn star. Welcome back, señor.

Idiot of the Day

Recently I posted about my new breakfast regimen: oatmeal, plain and simple. Ok, maybe not plain and simple because I add some fruit and a pinch of sugar. But in either case, I'm doing swell compared to our Idiot of the Day, McDonald's.

As you will read in this article, McDonald's has taken something as pure and simple as oatmeal and fucked it all up. Not that anyone should be surprised about it, but it's still kind of shocking to see them take a dish with a supposed max of five ingredients and jack it up to 15 without even blinking.

My favorite passage: The aspect one cannot argue is nutrition: Incredibly, the McDonald’s product contains more sugar than a Snickers bar and only 10 fewer calories than a McDonald’s cheeseburger or Egg McMuffin. (Even without the brown sugar it has more calories than a McDonald’s hamburger.)

I have to admit that when we drove back from Kentucky over the holidays, the wife ordered the oatmeal because she figured it was oatmeal and how bad could it be? Well, it took one bite for her to beg me to switch breakfast meals with her and I choked it down while she enjoyed my meal. Damn McDonald's, I knew I hated that place.

Game On: Week of Feb. 18

Here is my column from last week. I reviewed Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds and Test Drive Unlimited 2. Thanks to both the Seattle Times and the Minneapolis Star-Tribune for publishing.

My Dog Oliver

While my other dog Klondike may be anti-camera, things are vastly different with our youngest dog, Oliver. He's a young pup, just under three years old, and he's an attention hog.

Petting on Klondike are you? No sir, just until I fly over and wiggle my way into that space. Doing something else other than paying attention to me? Oh no you don't. Wanna take my picture? Sure, where do I stand?

Some of these photos you can just tell that he's a ham. A big, stuffed ham. What a goober.

The guys in my fantasy football league poke fun at me regularly because I am the proud owner of two poodles, but to hell with them. Many times I'm sure those poodles are smarter than they are (I did win the title for the second time in three years, after all), and Oliver is the best at knowing right when to rush over and plop his enormous paws on you and make you pet him on those days when work or life is just trying to make things miserable. It's awesome.

My Dog Klondike

Last summer when at the dog store buying food, a photographer was doing free portraits of dogs to try and drum up business for herself as a budding photog (sadly she did a great job but I can't find her info). Being the natural opportunistic taker of free services, the wife jumped right on board and got both our dogs some time in front of the camera.

First up is Klondike, and this slideshow is a feat of strength, believe me. I wasn't there at the photo shoot, but I know Klondike. Ever since the wife got him when he was a puppy 13 years ago, he has hated the camera. Doesn't matter whether it's a Polaroid, high-end digital or just some dinky cell phone camera, that dog has always known when he's getting his picture taken and he runs like the wind the other direction. It's actually quite hilarious as it's always been a battle of wills to see if we can trick him before he catches on.

While she doesn't show up in these photos, apparently in several the wife is either holding him steady (hence the closeups) or is within inches of him distracting him (hence Klondike never actually looking in the camera). It's good stuff, and I just couldn't resist showing off my cool dog. He's getting late in his years, but he's still the same dog (that first photo is how he gets me every time when he wants a treat or some extra attention), and it's awesome.

Friday Funnies

When I first saw this movie back in 1993, Mike Myers was in his full SNL popularity, and So I Married An Axe Murderer was a great showoff of his numerous talents. In later years, the wife always spoke that she married her version of Mike Myers, because the whole kooky scene about The Pentaverate (featured below) was something she always imagines me doing later on, since I am a cynic and appreciator of conspiracy theories. It's fantastic to watch Anthony LaPaglia completely lose it during the scene and breaking the fourth wall by looking at the camera and the crew off-camera. Hilarious.

Plus, though I couldn't find a good copy of the scene online, it also featured one of my favorite Phil Hartman scenes, as he plays Jim Johnson, who mainly goes by the name Vicki. Good stuff.

Idiot of the Day

Don't want to be insulted on live TV about your manhood? Try to avoid opening up the door for discussion. Though, to be fair, she's still a heartless wench for going there for a cheap laugh.

King of Hearts

Of course I pretty much destroy and rule all video games. I rock them. That's, for better or worse, what happens when your mother foolishly agrees to buy her son a Nintendo in 1983 and he never looked back. If I can only get someone to actually pay me for that damn column.

Anywhoooooo, I about three months or so ago I crushed Bejeweled 2 on my iPhone, so I needed something else to challenge me. Being an avid Hearts and Spades fan, I decided to go for the gusto on those games. Now, I won't lie, the Hearts opponents were not exactly like playing Deep Blue or something. I wouldn't win all the time, but it got to be pretty regular and I was feeling a special run was possible.

And last week it happened. I was riding the train to work one morning with nothing to read, and I crushed it. Crushed it to the point that I won without picking up a single point. I shot the moon (took all 26 points, thus giving them to my opponents) twice and I was well on my way. It got dicey a few times as the AI opponent Ben and Ann were trying to screw me, but I was victorious. I am the king of hearts.

Game On: Week of Feb. 11

Here is my column from last week, where I reviewed Breach and Venetica. Thanks to The Republic of Columbus, Indiana for publishing. I think this might be a first for them, or at least the first I've seen it on their site. Always fantastic.

Two Friends, Two Blogs

So this is a promotional post for two of my friends who have bravely joined the blogging world. I'm sure it was my rousing success in securing all 8 readers that made them think this was a wise decision for them both. Sadly it's taken both of them all of about 11 minutes to gain about 90 more readers and 800 more Twitter followers. But what can I say, they are cooler and prettier than me, and that gets you fame faster than being a dude with dainty hands.

Here's a quick breakdown of my two friends and their two blogs.


First up is Laura, who has unleashed a blog geared toward those of us who were raised in the '80s and had our formative years in the '90s. She explores everything from cereal commercials to buddy bands to music videos to products that made us cringe then and make us cringe even more now.

Laura and I didn't work together long, but we were instant buds when we discovered our mutual love for QVC and HSN. We talked about all manner of gawd-awful product salesmanship. Most notably Signature Club A, which one day I will post on and we can all revel in the glory of painted-on makeup.

She's tapping into a nice little niche market there, getting humor out of our childhoods and the raw hilarity that was the '80s and '90s, and the comical stupidity of people trying to bring the '80s back like it's something we need to relive. That is probably why she's slaying me in followers and friends. Guess maybe if I stick with guy-centered penis and fart jokes I'd be more popular to read. Oh well, check her out when you can, you'll be glad you did.



Next up is Kristin, whose blog is about as far removed from Laura's as humanly possible. Over at Life Communicated, Kristin has chosen to espouse upon the greatness that is our digital technologies.

She's told me unapologetically that probably two-thirds of her posts are all going to be about Evernote, an organization app/website that if you haven't used it you should if you have the short-term memory of a field mouse. I'm not making any judgments on Kristin, mind you, I just love it that she adores Evernote to the point that she's hoping that eventually Evernote will just subsidize her for the next 10 years or so. It's a solid plan. And judging by her followers and such, she'll probably get it, too.

When her posts aren't about Evernote, though, they will be a series of helpful information about how to navigate the tech world and get your life, both professionally and personally, in order. Twitter, Facebook, whatever is most likely attached to your iPhone, iPad, Android, there's a good chance she'll talk about it.

Of course I don't have that problem, since I have a fully functioning website featuring my design work, my photography, my video game column and a blog to boot. Damnit, I don't really have much of any of that, just a blog that only 8 of you read. Crap, maybe I should start reading her stuff and get my act together. And then, I can slack off with the Zack Attack.

Friday Funnies

I'd seen articles and previews on IFC for this new show Portlandia, but I'll be honest in saying I've never been a huge Fred Armisen fan so I kinda dismissed it. But then the wife showed me a clip on YouTube and I was hooked. Then a day later I saw parts of an episode and I was really hooked.

The show is sketch comedy and it's all about mocking things that I love, which makes it even funnier. Green lifestyles, organic/healthy eating, better or no cars, the Pacific Northwest, dog lovers, books, etc. It's fantastic. As the wife said, "It's a show that makes fun of everything you are, but I still love you anyway." Umm, thanks. That makes it a winner, right? I've still never seen a full episode yet, but you can bet your ass this show has become instant No. 1 ranking on the DVR.

What I've Read (sorta): World War Z

As much as I try to deny it, I guess I am part of the zombie-loving society as well. Can't get enough of it. At least True Blood is my only foray into the vampirefest overrunning America (fuck that abstinence-spewing Twilight bullshit).

Several years ago a video game company sent me the Zombie Survival Guide as a perk to alongside one of the zombiefest games it was promoting. Hey, I don't deny myself a free book, so I read it and laughed and enjoyed it. Last year I heard Max Brooks wrote a sequel of sorts called World War Z. I just didn't think it was worth the time so I ignored it. But when we were looking for audiobooks to listen to on the trip back to Kentucky for the holidays, I downloaded it in case we were feeling up for it. Turns out, the book we chose took up the whole damn trip, so when I finished reading Bloody Crimes last week, I thought it was time to chill out for a week and listen to an easy book instead of jumping right back into something else.

World War Z was fun to listen to, and as a book at least it approaches the zombie material from a different perspective. It assumes we've already experienced the war with zombies, and is written as a first-person look back at the proceedings. It's more of a collection of interviews with various people throughout the world: military leaders, survivalists, politicians, economic leaders and so forth.

The book is definitely a harsh look at America isolationism and takes some typical cracks at consumerism and classism. And while the book is probably a bit more detailed, the audiobook comes with some fun actors doing roles like Alan Alda, John Tuturro and Mark Hammill. It's a short audiobook, just around 6 hours, so it gave me entertainment for a week while riding to and from work on the train. And as someone who always has conversations with Kelly about how we're going to survive the apocalypse (zombie-filled or not), it's a funny reminder of what we need to do be prepared.

Idiot of the Day

I'm a notoriously slow eater. Friends of mine were even making fun of me again this weekend when a buddy's girlfriend (who is relatively new to the group) said, "Wow, Chris, it's taken you like 25 minutes to eat that bowl of chili." Yeah, I can't help it, I just eat slow. Don't know if I always have, but it's been something that was pointed out to me in college and has been that way ever since. I just can't shovel the food down like some people can.

This brings me to today's Idiot of the Day. Or I should say, idiots. And honestly, you are a free-thinking human, so you eat whatever and how much ever you want however fast you want to do it. But I gotta pick on people for a moment.

The deli down the street from my office is my go-to lunch spot when I forget to bring my lunch to work or I'm in a rush or I'm just damn lazy. They make a good grilled vegetable sandwich, so it's a solid fallback (unlike the uber death machine that Kelly and I know of as the SizzEx Lone Star, but that sandwich is a whole post on its own).

Anyway, on Fridays this deli decides to unload its salad bar stock since it's closed on the weekends. The result? A promotion where as long as you buy a pound or more of items on the salad bar, it only costs $6.99. Now, I've eaten at that salad bar before, and atr no time have I ever hit a pound worth food from it. You gotta go oozing rivers of ranch dressing or something dense like that to get the weight up, but people attack this salad bar like the zombie war is coming.

It's sick to watch, honestly. I took this picture a couple weeks ago, and people were getting chappy with each other over how much croutons and shredded cheese they were piling on. As one them said, "I gotta get over a pound. It's cheaper." Why the hell are you going to out of your way to overload yourself on food like that? It's sick, really. People just piling on the grub, which they'll never eat, (or worse, hork it down because they bought it, a classic psychological ploy by the food companies) and just stuffing themselves and we wonder why their are diabetes cases skyrocketing and obesity. And it doesn't count that you're on the salad bar when you skip the beets and tomatoes and just go straight for the creamy pasta chicken salad that really should just be Cream Dressing, Accompanied by Enough Solid Objects To Make You Consider Having to Chew. And don't let that photo fool you, the line wraps around the staircase and the damn near out the door as people wait to have their own personal Kobayashi moment.

Eating food is good. Eating more than a pound's worth of food at lunch just so you can pay a flat price whether you eat 1.1 pounds or 5.6 pounds is just idiotic.

Game On: Week of February 4

Here is my column from last week. I reviewed DC Universe Online and Mindjack. Thanks to TheOnlineReporter.com, a group of regional Philadelphia newspapers, for publishing.

Friday Funnies

I've spoken of the geeky genius of The IT Crowd before, but I have to bring it up again. You see, one of the best comedy series on television just released its fourth season on streaming Netflix, so you can watch all six episodes whenever you want. Why they only make six episodes confounds me, because it's a priceless show and they should at least do fans a favor and do a 13-episode run.

Anyhow, this is just one scene from this season, when the guys have to entertain some big whigs and they do it the only way Moss knows how: getting them to play Dungeons & Dragons.

What I've Read: Bloody Crimes

After thoroughly enjoying James Swanson's first book about Abraham Lincoln's assassination and the hunt for Booth (Manhunt), I was intrigued when I heard that there was a sequel I figured I needed to check it out.

Bloody Crimes is focused on two main arcs: Lincoln's funeral pageant, and the hunt for Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederacy. I will openly admit that the hunt for Davis is not exactly an episode of The First 48. It's slow and methodical, and by the time it reaches the final capture you are reminded how, more often than not, things back in the late-1800s were often affected by luck than skill. I mean, just think of the fact that trains maxed out at about 10 miles an hour, and cities didn't have paved roads, many streets were just wooden planks. It's crazy stuff.

It is not insulting of wince-inciting when you read it as the cover calls it, a death pageant. A pageant indeed it was. He got a month's worth of viewings. A month! Think about how good embalming is today. You have viewings that last a few hours. Now subtract 150 years off the human history calendar and consider what embalming must have been like then. And instead of a few hours, it was a month of hundreds of thousands of people walking by his open coffin. Nuts.

One of the best parts of the book is the epilogue, when you read about how much of American history was shaped in those two months in April 1865. Two months. 60 days. Civil War ended, president shot and killed, the trial and execution of conspirators, the end of the Confederacy. Just amazing. Plus, its amazing that Lincoln's funeral has been the standard for every presidential funeral since. Jackie Kennedy was still wearing her blood-soaked dress when she told JFK's funeral handlers, "Make it like Lincoln's." That was the power of what kind of ceremony those men created 100 years earlier in less than 4 days.

It's less action-packed than Manhunt is, but Bloody Crimes is no less important in understanding the history and traditions of our country.

My Design

When I first created this blog, it was mainly centered around the fact that my life is filled with pixels (hence the title, for anyone not keeping up). I've posted about my photography and also my video game column, but that does exclude the one other part of my life that I actually get paid for, which is my design work. It's still using pixels, so it counts!

I'm going to try and bring that element of my life into this blog as well, sharing with the eight of you who actually pay attention to me some of the work that I have either done in the past that I am particularly proud of, or recent stuff that I have done. Just giving you all a well-rounded look at me, which is I know what you clamor for.



First up is a report I recently finished for my organization, CFED. For the past year I have been working with my colleagues on a series of reports detailing the financial security of 11 cities across the country. It's amazing work, very detailed in its focus on what areas a city is succeeding (and, sometimes, failing) at when it comes to the economic security of its residents. We've been finding that municipalities are more and more becoming the epicenter for economic solutions for low- and middle-income residents, and so in doing this work we are trying to highlight some of the best and brightest innovations that are succeeding there and can be replicated in other cities.

After we finished with the individual city reports (which you can find here), we combined a lot of that research and made one huge report out of it all. It's not going to win any design awards I know, but it was a labor of love and I'm glad to see it finally come to publication. So check it out if you wish (or if you know someone who cares about the economic status of NYC, Newark, Savannah, Seattle, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, San Antonio, Miami, Hawaii or Providence. It's good stuff.